The cycle of Life

The Cylcle of Life..isn't it funny that you are going along life and you think you have everything pretty much under control! You think you have all your deamons tammed and the hurt has all been dealt with! You think that you heart has been healed and that you are a much stronger person that you were 6 months ago! Then out of the blue you are knocked down back in the muck and the mire of...well, of Life! I hate that! Maybe that's why we are told that his world is not our home and that Joy of my salvation is my strength! That i am not to lean on my previous experiences and think that "I" am holding it together! I hope that I don't have to keep learning this lesson.

I know I STINK at blogging. I guess I avoid blogging maybe becuase sometimes it is so exhausting having to write about how wonderful and happy and perfect and beautiful everything is! NOw don't get me wrong, I am so grateful for the blessings that God has graciously given. My cancer is still in remission...after 4 years! I have a great family and the Lord has continued to to bless my career. I love my WyldLife kids and leaders and I have amazing friends that are faithful and constant! It just seems that sometimes you have that one thing that....that one longing in your heart that it seems like you have to keep giving back to HIM becuase you can't leave it with HIM. You think you have to figure a way to resolve it! How can I get this for myself rather than waiting on HIS timing. Then you convince yourslef that you really don't want it anymore so your restlessly find other things to cram pack your life full with so you basically don't have time to address the void! You think if you fill that space then the longing will go away!

I need to be content and I need to try to see why I am still at this place where God keeps telling me to Wait..to be still and know that HE is! Man, why can't I learn this lesson. But how are you suppose to now want to have a little perfect, tiny, beautiful baby? How, as a woman, do you not view yourself as incomplete without a family? i just can't find the answer to that question. kd