No Fear in Love

Bringing little Brayden home has been a journey. The few days when we were home waiting for our room in to be scheduled seems like a haze. I was nervous, excited, and fearful. Just a few days before we have been delivered the news about a growing cyst on our baby's spine. The surgery that would be needed would be long, expensive, and extremely risky. The good news was that at the moment there was no immediate need. The doctors decided to wait, image regularly, and monitor this cyst to determine the appropriate time to operate. We have been praying ever since that this cyst would be a non-issue and never need this yucky operation.


When the doctor asked us to be at the hospital in a few hours on Monday, December 7th, we grabbed our bag, settled the dogs for the night, and headed to Ft. Worth. Neither of us said very much on the ride over. My mind was reeling with questions. Would I be able to care for this fragile little life that for the past 2.5 months has required teams and teams of doctors? I remember that I had asked David a few days before "What if I get him home and we don't bond? What if I don't love him?" I felt fear becoming even more dominated in my thoughts.

The night went surprisingly fast. We had Brayden in the room with us and even though we had divided up feedings...we found that we were both up at every sigh, whimper, feeding, and changing. David proved to be an absolute ROCK those two days. The next morning we had a busy schedule. Exit consultations with our neonatologist, nurses, dieticians, neurologists, surgeons, case workers, insurance reps, and paperwork with the adoption agency. On top of all of this, the birth mom ended up coming up to the hospital and spent most of the day with us, as well. David had a GREAT strategy...he asked me to take care of Brayden and the birth mom and he would take care of all the business with the insurance agency & the agency.


Just before everything kicked into high gear...I needed to talk to my Dad. I just needed to hear his voice. Up to this point, we still hadn't asked anyone's opinion on our decision to adopt this baby. We were very careful to isolate our hearts from earthly opinions to ensure that we were only listening to the heavenly father's voice and direction. But now....I needed to hear my earthly Father's voice. Nothing in this world makes me feel safer than my dad. When he answered I began to cry and he asked me what was on my heart? Looking back, how ironic was his wording. It wasn't "What was wrong" but "What was on my heart?" He knew right away that I had a heart issue. For the first time in this entire process, I asked someone if they thought we were making the right decision. Through tears streaming down my face, I asked my daddy "Are we making the right decision to adopt this baby?" Even though it was my earthly father's voice in the response, I felt the spirit move in me as he answered. “You know, when you & David first told me about this baby I wanted to tell you guys to not go any further in the process. You guys are my kids and I wanted to protect you. Then when the babies were born with so many complications, I picked up the phone so many times to tell you guys that I thought ya'll should wait for a different baby. But again, the Holy Spirit kept my mouth shut. Then when your mother & I came that first time to see Brayden in the hospital, I felt the Holy Spirit wash over me when I was standing by his incubator. I have never felt anything like it. I knew that God had delivered this baby to you & David and that through ya'lls faithfulness to the calling of God our family would experience blessings and miracles. Christ saw past all our special needs and sickness and decided to love us despite all the complications, to love us to the point that he gave His life for us. And in essence, you and David have been called to sacrifice for love as well, to see past all the things the world calls imperfections and love this little baby that God created. We are going to see the power of God like we never have before Kelli. And I can't promise you that it's going to come in complete healing, but I do have confirmation that Brayden was born for our family. And your mother & I are going take every step in this journey with you & David." He continued to tell me that God doesn't quite on us and that the word promises that He will finish the good work He has completed in us.


We got off the phone with my Dad asking me to go read 1 John 4:18. "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear." What an amazing verse my Dad gave me to meditate on. That phone conversation lead me straight to the word of God that I needed to loosen the power of fear that the enemy was using to bind me. There is absolutely no fear in love!! Over the last several weeks I have not worried once about the expense of future surgeries that are not even needed at this point....and there is no doubt that I love him.

Sometimes I think the enemy resigns to the fact that he has lost the eternal battle with us, so he ramps up the battle in other ways to keep us as ineffective in the Kingdome as possible. I believe that God has chosen me & David to raise this baby. Brayden was handpicked before he was even conceived to be our son and that through this, God will be glorified. The enemy does not like our Father to be glorified. Again, fear is something that I have rarely experienced in my life and boy was it powerful. But praise God Almighty, the King of Kings & Lord of Lords that he has defeated the enemy for us and there is freedom in His word.

Our first Christmas with Brayden, we had a little miracle baby of our own. God has miraculously protected and delivered Brayden from death & despair into life. Jesus came to bring us life and we hold in our arms a daily remembrance of that power that is available to all of us. "....So that we may have life and have it more abundantly." May Brayden's life radiate the abundance of life in Jesus. Thank you all who have prayed...please keep praying. We love you very much. ~ Kelli

Some Pictures

All is well...just waiting for our 1st Christmas with Brayden!! We are excited and will get to spend it with both sides of our family

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For this Child...

1 Samuel 1:27-28

27 "I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. 28 So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD."

It has been 8 years in the making, but our son has come home. 

Last Tuesday we brought Brayden home after having stayed a night at the hospital with him to make sure we could take care of him on our own.  It was a long night, but we made it through and were able to get him home by about 5pm on Tuesday.  Since then we haven't slept much, but you can't wipe the smiles off our faces.  That's not to say it's been all roses and cherries, as the diaper changes with a screaming baby at 2am can raise the blood pressure some, but it is all just part of the job.  :)

We have had several visitors, and our wonderful YoungLife friends have brought us dinner for 4 nights since we've been home.  Mimi and Papa Jack visited yesterday, and my folks (Nana and Pawpaw) have been by twice.  Oh, and I can't forget the life saver that Kaysi was the night we came home as she showed up with PIZZA!!!!  Can't tell you how AWESOME that was!!! 

Nana even came over last night and helped me with Brayden while Kelli had her bus tour for WyldLife -- it's an all night bus ride where they take about 200 middle school kids all over town to do different activities, and it runs from 6pm to 6am.  So, I had my mom come over and help me with Brayden since Kelli would be pretty worn out today.  She took the 11pm - 5am shift -- she's AMAZING -- and I took over at 5am so she could go home to try to sleep a little before the kept the babies at Church!!  Man, that was really great of her to do for us, as I'm not sure how Kel and I would've done without her help. 

Otherwise, we've seen our Pediatrician (Dr. Coco) and the Opthamologist (Dr. Norman) for routine check-ups and all seems to be well.  Our Pedi did tell us we have to be really careful in taking him out in public with it being Cold/Flu season, so we have to be careful where we take him, but we are going to try to get him to see my family and some of Kelli's family for Christmas next week.  We also have about 5 different hand sanitizers around the house so we can squirt some if we need it.  The last thing we need is to take any chances with him getting sick.

So, that's what we've been up to the last week and now I have to get ready to head back to work next week so I can get some training done.  The good thing is I have the last two weeks of the year off, so we'll get to have 1 week to see how Kel and I can manage me back at work, and then I'll get to be home for 2 weeks again. 

Love you all and hope to see/hear from you soon!!

Thanks for stopping by,
DD

Speechless

From the very begining...we have had things happen that have made me and David sit up and look at each other and say "Really? Did that just happen? Did God just do that? Did HE just save us from that catastrophy or send that person, phone call, email, or verse just to me so that I can KNOW and FEEL HIS presence?"  I could write for days and days on all the myserious ways that God's hand has been so incredibly visible to us through this journey. I mean, David truely had is right when he said..."This is the kind of stuff that has turned us into Jesus Freaks!" And it really is....

I don't have a lot of time this morning to post but I just couldn't head back up to the hospital without just a quick update.  Man.....I have been so usettled this week and anxious. I think I always tend to get a little edgey when Brayden has test that are pending. I need to learn to rest and dig in the word......So, Brayden had his very first brain MRI on Wed. When we called to get results yesterday, imagine my alarm when we notified that the results were not yet conclusive and the nurologist has ordered seperate MRI.  When I go the his bedside....he was already gone and down in imaging. So, I sat and started to feel my palms getting a little sweaty.....and my tummy wasn't feeling so good. Then around the corner came Ginger!! Ginger was the very first nurse I had met on my first trip to see Brayden alone. I remembered being very overwhelmed and scared and, at that time, wasn't really getting alot of attention or information from anyone. Ginger was the first person that had reached out to me.....I remembered that she was very calming to me that day. And here she was, rounding the corner to come talk and visit with me again.  We talked and laughed about what tremendous improvements Brayden has already made and how blessed his is.  It was just the conversation I needed to be reminded of all the miracles God has already done. 

Before long, Brayden was wheeled around the corner and back in my arms.  Soon after, the radiologist was at our bedside.  He took time to show me all the pictures and explain everything in detail. On the original MRI...at the very, very bottom was about 1 cm of Brayden's spine.  The radiologist had noticed a small inflamation and then narrowing and decided to order a second MRI on his spine. PRAISE GOD FOR THAT MAN!!  The nurologist and radiologist were able to find a small, fluid filled cyst that was located on Brayden's spine. However, it had not attached itself to the spine and they are extremnely hopeful that they will be able to drain the fluid without any further complications or side affects. Oh, I can't even begin to express......our God is so faithful and mighty. Thank you Lord Jesus for answering our prayers that their eyes would be open.....that they noticed and we were able to avoid serious implications down the road. Oh Lord, thank you for THAT doctor and his attention given to our son! Praise you for you have promised us that you will finish the good work which you have started....and you are not yet finished knitting this precious little boy together.

The nurologist said that he is also extrenmely pleased with Braydent, nurologically. He acts and moves just like a normal 37 week old baby. Considering all the damage that was done to his little brain in-utero, before birth, that this is truely remarkable.  The areas are definitley damaged but he believes that we will be able to manage them and work with Brayden. He does not see any signs of further damage and he said that this MRI in conjuction with Brayden's current functions, should bring us great hope. WHAT A GREAT OPPORTUNITY...that I had to share with Dr. Peters where our hope comes from.  He agreed and said that whatever we are doing....we need to keep doint it becuase there are definitely miracles happening his little Brayden's life. 

I am so grateful and just in a constant state for praise this morning. We are waiting to see when they will schedule the proceedure. So for now, the discharge has been postponed...but PRAISE OUR FATHER that this was identified and will be correct. Please continue to pray for our little angle. The amount of people that we have lifting Braydent the the feet of Jesus....I KNOW that is the "whatever you're doing, keep doing it!"  Please don't stop! If I could grant every single person that has faithfully prayed for our little Braydent...their hearts desire, I would. Becuase you all have granted me mine. I love you all...so very dearly!

Kelli

ps...sorry if there is alot of spelling errors this morning. :)

Waiting Game

Not much changed today with our status. David & I rose early this morning to head to Witchita Falls to complete some requirements from the adoption agency, Inheritance Adoptions. We were there most of the day and headed home around 4 for David to scamper off the class tonight for a final presentation in one his classes. I had a Wyldlife Leadership meeting tonight preparing for our upcoming Bus Tour in a few weekends. Neither of us were able to get to the hospital and it’s just awful on my emotions to think a whole day went by and we didn’t get to hold or love on our baby. But every time we leave, we pray that angles will circle his crib and guard him until we are able to get back and put our arms around him.


When I called this morning to check on Brayden’s morning Monica, our nurse, said he had a great night and is doing great with his feedings. No Room In scheduled from the rounds this morning, so it looks like we probably won’t be checking in tomorrow. That could change with tomorrow mornings rounds but we will keep everyone posted. The doctors have just advised us to view this as waiting for a baby to come…..we are just waiting on him to get ready to come home! We sure are ready!

For me personally, it’s surprising at how I still have days that the unknown gets to me. The unknown of Brayden’s future, my career, when he’s going to come home…how, when, where, why? I am definitely that typical Type A personality, I like to have all the answers and a plan and a plan to execute the plan…and so forth! But the enemy is here to steal, kill, and destroy. Steal my joy that my heavenly Father has given me in my salvation, kill my peace with lies, and destroy the hope that I have in the promises given to me in the word. Today, I did not do a very good job in defeating the enemy in his attempt to drive my emotions with fear. I hate to admit that today I truly struggled with fear and anxiety.


David said that we will have strong days and we will have days like today but that we need to remain open and vulnerable to each other so that we can be there to talk and pray through it together. Today was my weak day and the Lord strengthen David to encourage and pray over me. When things seem to be spinning out of control the Word, my husband, and my parents are my 3 anchors that I can count on. I am thankful for the days when I am weak and lean on Him. Tomorrow….is a new day and who know what might happen tomorrow. Please continue to pray for us and for Brayden. We are waiting for his Brain MRI results.

Much love

Kelli

ETD on Brayden Jackson

Hello Friends & Family,




We apologize for the recent vacancy of emails and blogs. David & I received word this week that Brayden is looking like he just might want to come home as early as Thursday/Friday. In reality, we are looking at checking into the hospital Thursday-Friday and then coming home between Saturday - Sunday. He will have to tolerate full feeds, maintain his temperature, and show steady weight gain before we can begin this process. We think we have finally found the right formula, he has taken all his feeds today without any throwing up. We haven't had weight gain in a few days but since we think we have the right food now, that should help with the weight gain. He will also have to pass a car seat test before they will let us go home. He will have to maintain his breathing and heart rate for 2 hours in a car seat, so we are praying he will pass the first time!



We are anxious and excited....AND TOTALLY UNPREPARED! David thinks and feels like he is trying to get sick with a headcold, too. He hasn't seen baby in a few days trying to stay away and get better. But how fitiing that Brayden is coming home in the midst of this holiday season. As we pause to remember the humble beginings of our Lord & Savior so many years ago. With no nursery or crib....no fancy matching diaper stackers, valanances, or bumbos the King of Kings entered this world in a stable and slept in a manager with hay amongst the livestock. We pray that we will reflect upon the miracle of life and already answered prayers that we only begun to see from our might Father. Thank you all for walking and reading down this journey with us. Now it starts to get exciting!! AND WE CAN"T WAIT!!!!!



much love~



David & Kelli



ps. Brayden has a brain MRI scheduled for tomorrow. David & I will be in Witchita Falls completing some requirements with the Adoption Agency. The neurologist wanted an MRI before Brayden was discharged in order to know what we need to have scheduled before we leave the hospital, i.e. physical therapy, occupational therapy, monthly appointments w/ a neurologist. Please pray for an amazing God-breathed picture of our little angels brain. We claim healing in the power of the blood of Jesus Christ and know that Brayden is wonderfully and fearfully made in God's image! Please lift up the doctors and techs as they conduct and read the MRI.

Angels Among Us

"Keep on loving each other as brothers.  Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained ANGELS without knowing it."  Ephesians 13:1-2 (emphasis added by me)

What does this tell us?  Well, first and foremost it claims the Truth that Angels exist and are among us.  It also reminds us to be very careful how we treat others -- to treat them with LOVE, as brothers.

I bring this up to say that over the past few months, with our joy over Brayden we have been entertained by Angels.  Now, I'm twisting this passage some, so please let me put this disclaimer -- I am going to talk about earthly (figurative) angels -- but this verse speaks directly to there being Heavenly Angels that are among us, and for us to be aware of how we treat others as they could be Angels and we won't know it. 

With that said...

The outpouring of love we've experienced over the past few months is indescribable.  We have received letters, phone calls, visits, and emails covered in love for Brayden, and my family.  THANK YOU so much for letting us know you care for us, and love us.  We are so thankful for our friends and family who are good about reaching out and letting others know they are on their minds/hearts. 

We have received several blessings from folks that know how hard adoption can be - financially, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and thru this process we've been so stressed we can't see straight, but then we'll get a phone call, or a response to one of our posts on here, or an email that really lifts our spirits and let's us know we are fighting the good fight. 

Kelli even had a very (shall we say) "intentional" conversation with one of the Senior Pastors at our Church just 2 days ago on Sunday.  (I would hate to say it was a "random" conversation -- because God isn't random -- He's very intentional) 

Kelli had sent a link to our blog to this Pastor who has since forwarded it over to our Head Pastor.  They have been reading our posts (and will probably read this) and it appears that God may be spearheading an adoption outreach program in our Church.  Kelli mentioned it to me on our way home Sunday and I have been mulling it over since then.  I don't want to get off track from the original sightline of my post, but let's just say it is a very intriguing idea, and one I would have never thought about -- yet can't seem to get it out of my head that maybe God is working on me in regard to this.  We'll see how it shapes up, but it would be a total 180 from our current "career path"  (whatever that really is).  To say that conversation was uplifting would be a tremendous understatement, so again, know that God works in "intentional" ways.

So...back to what I was saying -- The Lord has blessed us with tremendous friends and family and I need to confess a few things.  I am terrible when it comes to getting compliments.  It is something I need to work on, but I get pretty embarrassed when people tell me they're proud of me, or that I'm doing a good job, or whatever the compliment may be.  I sometimes fear that I brush those off too quickly and don't do a good enough job of thanking the people giving the compliment.  It is hard for me to take those compliments, yet I am afraid I can be a little rude when I brush them off, so please let me say that I am so very thankful for those who have come and told me that they are proud of what Kelli and I are doing with Brayden, but know that we feel like it was God who has chosen us to do this.  We are just following His will for our lives, even if it means it will change our lives forever.  We still don't know what kind of challenges lay in store for Brayden, and it breaks our heart to see him struggle thru with all the tubes and IV's in his body.  So far he seems to be progressing, but he has a long road to hoe.  Continue to pray for his complete healing.

I'll end by saying, again, I can't express in words what it means to me to hear some very dear friends and family members tell me they are proud of me...I'll say this -- my father-in-law (Andrew) drew my name at Thanksgiving which meant he had to say why he was thankful for me.  The words he spoke drove straight to my heart, and although as a "man" its hard to show outward emotion, I was immensely touched by the words he spoke.  He is a private man, somewhat like I am, so for him to say the things he said was very meaningful for me.  He may not say much, but when he speaks it tends to be very heartfelt and profound.  I can't say enough how proud I am to have married into the Overton (and McCann) family as so many people have reached out to us, and loved on us.

...shocking -- I know -- another long post!! 

Anyways, we love you all and I am so thankful to have a support group that picks us back up, dusts us off, and gets us back on the road Jesus has chosen for us.  We are the Church -- the hands and feet of Christ, and we are called to uplift each other, and love each other as brothers.

Please let me know how Kelli and I can return the favor when one of you is in need of love.  We are overflowing with it, and have learned some very neat ways to love back.  We seem to be on the receiving end of love for now, but know that very soon we will need to be on the giving end.

Thanks for stopping by,
DD

Sweet Times

We had some very sweet times with Brayden this weekend -- see the pics below.

Kel and I spent the majority of our weekend at the hospital since we are going to be out of town for 3 days for T-giving. 

Brayden is doing very well, and getting to be a BIG BOY!!  He is finally starting to pass his food which has been a big concern over the past 3 weeks or so.  It still isn't passing as often as we would like, but we are holding onto the progress he has made in just the last 4 days.  He has had an upper and lower GI over the past week, and those have all come back as "clear" - meaning he has no obstructions.  So, it appears that his intestines just need some more time to process food, so we just need to learn to be a little more patient.  :)

Because of the clear Upper and Lower GI's we were able to give him his FIRST BOTTLE!!!!  We were so excited that the Dr signed off on allowing us to let him start to bottle feed.  They are only giving him 10mL's every 3 hours, but he is taking it like a CHAMP!!!  He sucks that stuff down in no time, and the nurses have said he is doing very well there ... he has to be able to take a bottle before they let him come home.  Thank you JESUS!!!!


He had his monthly Brain Sonogram on the 19th, and it appears that he still has a cyst in the left side of his brain.  The good news there is that it doesn't appear to be getting any larger, so we are happy about that (if we can be happy about anything regarding the cyst).  There is also a bright white spot that is appearing and the Dr believes that to possibly be another cyst developing, but we probably won't know anymore on that until his next sonogram on Dec 19th.  At this point we aren't sure what the cysts mean, but being on the left side of his brain, the Dr said they could affect his motor skills on the right side of his body.  Our prayer is that Jesus will re-wire his brain and these cysts will have no negative effects on Brayden -- please join us in this prayer.

Otherwise, he is very well tempered, does not seem to be in any pain, and has really enjoyed the Kangaroo Care we have been giving him.  Kangaroo Care is "skin-on-skin" therapy that you can see in the pics below with Kelli.  We basically just strip him down to his diaper, and then we tuck him into our shirt and let him feel our skin.  The Dr's say that, of course, he should still be in his mother's womb, so the Kangaroo Care is the closest we can get to simulating that because it allows his body to feel our temperature, heartbeat, and hear our voice and breathing.  It also helps in keeping him warm.  The goal is 4 hours per day, so that is what we will shoot for from here on out.  Of course, that makes it hard for us to go out of town for T-giving, but we are excited to get to see some of Kelli's family on Andrew's side...but we will be anxious to get home too. 

Since it's the week of Thanksgiving -- I am so very thankful for Jesus who has blessed us with many things, but our most recent gift of Brayden has been truly a miracle -- in more ways than one.  I am thankful for the Lord putting Kelli in my life, to allow me to experience all of life's blessings and tribulations.  She is a rock and has been so great with Brayden, sacrificing so much time and energy and prayers.  I am also so thankful for our friends and family who have rallied around us to pray with us, cry with us, and rejoice with us in our most recent endeavor.  Obviously my focus is around Brayden, but we have always had immense support from our friends and family - even before Brayden was given to us. 

Please continue to pray for Brayden as he still has another month or so before they are looking to let him come home.  We are shooting for Dec 19th, and the Dr thinks we may even get to bring him home before that based on how well he is taking his bottles.  We still have some paperwork to get done with the Adoption Agency, so please pray we are able to get that completed and can get him home as soon as possible.

Thanks for stopping by
DD




Momma helping with his passy




Momma doing a little Kangaroo Caring (and fixing to steal a kiss!)





More Kangaroo Care




Brayden loves his Kangaroo Care time -- wide eyed here





Brayden getting a bottle -- Momma is so excited!!




WE STILL NEED TO SELL THIS THING!!!!!  --> $5,000

We need the money -- you need the EXPERIENCE!!!

We have to sell the ATV to raise funds and allow us to get Brayden home when that time comes -- SO COME BUY MY 4-WHEELER!!!!    :)

That's right folks -- we need the cash and you need the experience of riding an ATV with the wind in your hair, the hum of the engine, and the sweat dripping off your brow! 

I have it listed right now on Craigslist for $5500...but will sell it to YOU for the low low price of just $5,000 if you so choose to step out on that limb and enjoy the ride of your life!

I have LOVED having this ATV and I HATE having to sell it (just as Kelli hated selling the boat), but the time has come for me to grow up and sell some of our toys so we can pay for this adoption and the ensuing Dr. Bills that will begin to pile up shortly. 

I have more pics than this if you're interested, and would love it if you want to come test drive it as it's so much fun! 

Call me 214-802-5605 or email me if you or someone you know may be interested!!!!


2008 Polaris Sportsman H.O. 4X4 ATV 500
It is green with several upgrades -- push button wench, push button AWD, hand guards, tow rope in back, reverse override system, parking brake, front storage, rear storage box (removable), among others.  It has almost 40 hours on it with 311 miles -- not even broken in yet!!

Big Week for Brayden

Hello friends!

 We have a big week with Brayden this week.  Tomorrow morning they are going to run another contrast that they will be looking at his motility of the stomach in different areas. Since he is still not pooping, they are back to ensuring we are not looking at any obstructions.  They he has another brain sonogram on Nov 19th that they will be looking at the cyst to see what has occured with it's developoment over the past month. 

 I will report as we progress through the week. Please pray for Jesus's healing to radiate through Brayden's life this week. We love you.

Kelli

Prayin' for Poop

Yesterday Brayden's tummy looked much better when I got to the hospital and he was sleeping very comfortablly! The nurses told me right when I walked in "WE GOT HIM TO POOP!" and were super excited with me to finally see some things moving.  I got some bedside time with Dr. Lawrence and the Physical Therapist yesterday so I was able to get alot of questions and additional informatoin.  Dr. Lawrence ordered some contrast tests, upper/lower GIs, in order to see why we seem to be having this back up issue.  He said that, unlike the last time, didn't look like we were looking at an infection this round so we needed to see why little man wasn't doing-the-do! 

I got to Kangaroo Kare him from about 8:30 yesterday morning until they came to get him for his tests at noon.  IT WAS SO AWESOME!!  He weighed 3lbs 4 oz yesterday morning, so it was good to see him putting on weight.

I headed back to the house for an afternoon of work and David headed to the hospital after he was finished wiht his workday around 4:445.  Brayden got a night of more Kangaroo Kare with Big Daddy and absolutely loved it. The nurses and PTs have really stressed the important of Kangaroo Kare- skin on skin- for Brayden right now.  It is very calming and supports healing, considering he really should still be in the womb.  At this time in the pregnancy he would be rolling into a tight little ball with his hands and legs all tucked in. So having the skin on skin, while keeping his legs and arms tucked to the center of his body is really important for the new few weeks. 

Praise God...all the test results came back normal from his tummy tests!  YEAH..thank God for hearing our prayers and laying your healing hands on our little son. I am so thankful that God's hand has remained so evident and powerful in Brayden's journey and I know that He will continue to protect him. I sometime sit and wonder when I am holding him what kind of big plans God must have for this little creation for God to have put together such and amazing start to his journey.  I am so so so so ready to get him home with us! 

Thank you all to our precious friends and family who is ready and praying.  Please leave a post or send an email as we are creating a book for Brayden to see when he gets older of all the people who love and have prayed for him! We love you guys!!

Kelli Dowdney

Two Steps Forward...One Step Back

It's a shame that happens to be the a Paula Abdul song...but I'll let it slide this time.  :)

Brayden was taken off his breast milk feeds 3 days ago, due to his tummy just not processing it the right way.  The nurses are worried there may be some kind of obstruction, which in turn gets us a little freaked out.  His primary Dr is out of town, so today and tomorrow the nurses will be running tests to see if they can figure out what's going on. 

Kelli spent pretty much all day at the Hospital yesterday, as she wasn't able to see him Friday and Saturday.  She said that she got to hold him for a lot of that time, which was good for her, but we both find it hard to leave. 

This is really disappointing as he appeared to have gotten over the infection in his intestines, but now the nurses aren't sure if it's come back or not.  I guess it's the "not knowing" that really gets to us. 

Then again -- went to the Bible last night and my "daily reading" was Matthew 8.  In verses 23-26 Jesus calmed the storm -- "Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him.  Without warning, a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat.  But Jesus was sleeping.  The disciples went and woke him, saying, "Lord, save us! We're going to drown!"  He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?"  Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm."

The first part of that Chapter showed Jesus' Healing Power -- which in our case would be deeply desired, but I felt led to share the calming of the storm story.  Why?  Well, I know right now Kelli is experiencing a storm.  I too am worried about the little guy, but have found some very calming peace knowing that Jesus is in total control of this situation.  Not to say Kelli doesn't have peace, but I just know that she is so in love with Brayden that she loathes seeing him in pain.

What we have to remember is that Jesus already knows the outcome of this story.  He knows why Brayden is going thru this, and He won't put more on Brayden than he can handle.  It would be my joy to look back on this situation to see all the wonderful works Jesus will have worked through it.  My first thought is -- what if this swollen belly leads the Dr's and nurses to something more severe...maybe that's why it isn't going away.  Maybe there is a larger problem that the Dr hasn't discovered yet, but thru these tests and cultures being examined, maybe they are able to catch something soon enough that will save him from further complications. 

Jesus can calm the storm, He can heal the wounded, He has this all under control.  Am I still nervous about it -- in my "humanness" ...sure, I'm still worried about Brayden.  However, I have to do all I can to let that go, and trust that Jesus has our best interests at heart. 

Please continue to pray, as we continue down this path with Brayden with Jesus as our guide. 

Thanks for stopping by...DD

Chugging Along

Well, Brayden seems to have pushed thru the infection, he is breathing completely on his own (no more tubes - AT ALL), and he is back on regular feeds (breast milk).  He is also beginning to suck on his pacifier, and the nurse mentioned that if he keeps it up he may be able to start bottle feeding soon. 

His intestines are still a little distended (swollen), which does not allow him to process his food properly.  We haven't heard any news about his brain because he won't have another sonogram until Nov 19th.  He also had an eye test just two or three days ago and they found a ridge on his eye that is abnormal -- at this point they are going to see if it will heal on its own, but if not they will initiate drops to help.

So, right now we are taking the good with the bad and we are focusing on the fact that he seems to be progressing more than he is digressing.  He is an active baby and the nurses have taken a liking to him.  That's good because we need as many of them caring about him (and for him) as we can get.  Kel and I have been able to spend some good time with him the last couple days.  During the week, I get to see him on Tues Nights, so we went on Tuesday and the pics below are from that visit.  Then, today (Thurs) MiMi was in town and got to see Brayden and was able to hold him for the first time.  She was a smitten kitten, but we already knew that.   :)

We are so thankful for those of you who have sent well wishes and encouraging words.  We hold onto those dearly, and know that the prayers are making a difference.  We know his infection went away because God willed it to happen, and we are now continuously in prayer over his brain, eye, and intestines. 

Sorry -- no sermon tonight, but I wanted to get this update out along with a few pics. 

We are excited for his progress, but we know he still has a few hurdles he needs to overcome, but we are relying on the One who created him and know that He will mold and shape Brayden in Perfection.  (whether we as the world consider it "perfect" or not, which to me really doesn't matter)

We are also counting the days until we can get him home.  Kelli has been "nesting" recently and trying to find a crib, bedding, playpen, and all the other things you need (or want) when you bring a baby home.  We have registered for a few things, but what an overwhelming process that is -- we still can't figure out the right pattern for the bedding, but it will come (hopefully!).

Thanks for stopping by, we love you all, and know that we want to hear from you.  Email, call, or respond to this blog.  We would love to hear from you, and find out what's going on in your world -- as we feel like we only get to talk about us, but we want to hear about you too. 

Sincerely...DD

Here he is sucking on his passy



Momma likes him in a beanie




This one is just too cute not to post...

"Hey everybody...thanks for stopping by!"



He has always got this arm in the air!!  It's pretty funny



Cute pic, but we're glad he doesn't have the breathing tube anymore.



He's sucking his thumb in this one...needed to capture it on film.




He's a squirmer...and we think it's hilarious!!




Our sweet boy

Thankfulness & Joy

The last week, despite my concern for Brayden being sick this week, I have found myself full of joy and thankful for this journey we have started. Going back to the beginning, I have to say that it was mostly overwhelming fear, disappointment, and confusion. The God has been gracious to wash over my racing mind with peace, and joy, and gratefulness, and excitement! With so many things rushing through my mind on a daily, hourly, second by second basis......listening to all the "concerning" medical terminology and what they say our son will more than likely NOT be able to do.....it was hard for me find truth. I struggled! But I dug in the word and prayed and prayed like I have never in my life prayed before! And I was sitting in my office one morning and I felt it...I felt God's peace wash over me like a warm comfy sweater that you just pulled out of the dryer on a cold morning. I know it was from God.

Since, God has opened my heart and my eyes and allowed me to see His hand. Brayden hasn't even come home from the hospital and already what a tremendous impact he has had on my heart, on David's heart, on our marriage, on our relationship with the Lord....I am amazed and the transformation He is working in David's heart. I have always loved him very much, but His words and actions are such spirit-filled and spirit-lead that I am amazed! Well, not amazed...I am so thankful. I am now thankful for this journey and for how many areas of my life God is using this to change and mold and how many hearts He is calling. I have seen God move and shape the hearts of our parents and friends....provide in financial ways that David & I look at each other and say "Did that really happen?" We have days of laughter and rejoicing and lots and lots of love!

We know that Brayden's story has yet to be written and we hold on to hope and healing in the blood of Jesus Christ, the one true and living God. We praise Him and pray that we will stay focused on His abilities and not the inadequacies of ourselves. I am so thankful that David & I are right where we are and I can't wait to see where He will lead us over the next 18 years!

so grateful...Kel

   Heading to spend the day with Brayden! Our precious, dear friends from OKC

Debbie & Darrel Aebischer are in town and coming to meet Brayden today!!!!

SO EXCITED to see them and for them to see Baby D!

Then meeting David's parents for dinner and some BabiesRus time!

Be Careful Not to Take for Granted...

The wonders of the Lord. 

As of today Brayden's Infection Markers are down to 1.9 -- we need them to be at 0.5 or lower, but I will absolutely take 1.9!!  Thank you Jesus for allowing this to happen.  For now the Dr is keeping him on antibiotics until Nov 2nd - just to be on the safe side.  They are also keeping him on basically a "Gatorade" diet, so no breast milk until they know he can handle it.  However, they've dropped his "flow" of oxygen, which is good because he's breathing more on his own.  His X-Rays looked good this morning also - his stomach still has a little distension, but they just think it's gas (gets that from his daddy)  :)

Otherwise, this is the time we have to really keep our focus on the Lord.  We as humans tend to look at something like this and think -- "oh, well, things are better -- so we don't need your help anymore...Lord" when in all reality this was the work of Jesus, and we need to Praise Him for it.

So, Thank you Jesus for continuing to work thru Brayden and let us all know You are in control of this entire situation.  I pray that you would continue to work a miracle in this little boy's life, and that You alone would get all the glory -- not the Dr.'s, the nurses, the parents, or anyone else who is involved -- only You. 

One thing I have to remain focused on is what happens when Brayden is healed completely?  Do I thank the Lord a few times, and three years down the road take it for granted?  Or, do I remember the immense stress, pain, and heartache this whole sitatuation has caused -- watching a poor helpless little baby struggle to breathe, eat, and go potty -- things you and I take for granted everyday.  If I'm honest with myself I will understand that I won't always feel the presence of the Lord in my day-to-day life, like I do right now.  If I did, then that too would get "commonplace" and I would get complacent with that relationship (take it for granted as well).  So, I think (and this is totally my opinion) that the Lord allows us to get "dry" with our faith so that He can RENEW us every now and again.  When I say "allows" let me clarify -- It is not HIM who does this -- it is US that does it to ourselves.  We let life get in the way of our walk with Him and don't read the Bible like we should, we skip a Church service every now and then, we don't pray over the things we need to.  This happens because our reliance on Him dwindles -- things are going well so we don't feel like we need Him as much.  "Thanks for getting me thru the tough times, Lord, but now that all is well I can handle it on my own." 

In short, my prayer is that I never take it granted, but I know that I probably will -- the strange dichotomy that is being a Christian. 

Thank you Jesus for allowing to work thru all of us so we can continue to uplift each other in a world that is going to hell in a hand basket.

As for Brayden -- keep praying for his brain development and that he continues to grow big and strong. 

DD

I got to take a bunch more pics last night while at the Hospital.  He is getting bigger, yet still so small and fragile. 

Check out his new Camo Bedding!! 

Hey Folks!!  Thanks for stopping by!!!

Boy, waking up can be hard to do!

Just Chillin'

Go Team!

This is a big yawn/stretch

He can get a little camera shy sometimes  :)

The infection

Appears to be going away!  Thank you Jesus

When they found the infection his "markers" were at 1.9 -- normal is 0.5.  The next day they spiked up to 15 and the next test showed 16, so the nurses felt he was levelling off.  Yesterday he was down to 5 which shows the infection is going down.  He won't have another test until tomorrow (30th) at 4am. 

So, THANK YOU for all the prayers, but the little booger isn't out of the woods yet.  Even after we get his infection to go away, he still needs to get that brain developing and get rid of his cysts.  This infection has been a distraction from the cysts, and my prayer is that just maybe that medicine he got for the infection could work a miracle in his brain!

The nurses have become really fond of Brayden, which is AWESOME because they now all know his personality which helps them determine if something is wrong.  They said he is a squirmer and when he had his infection he wasn't squirming at all.  I called this morning and the nurse said he had tried to squirm right off his bed, so that is a good sign.

Please keep praying.

Love you all....DD


Brayden sleeping with his Prayer Bear



He had a pretty rough day last Tuesday and he was knocked out!!

The Lord works in Deliberate Ways!

Some say He's "mysterious," but over the past 6 months I've come to determine He's much more Deliberate in His ways than we give him credit. 

We have 2 PRAISE JESUS' for today -- 1. Brayden's infection markers are coming down.  As of this morning they were up a little from yesterday, but he had another test run, and it's showing the infection to be decreasing this afternoon!!   Thank you Lord.  He isn't out of the woods yet, but the last thing he needs right now is to try to fight an infection...so please keep praying.  2.  We sold the boat!!!  What's Deliberate about that is the fact that Kelli and I hadn't listed it yet. She and I knew we needed to sell it so we wouldn't be burdened with the payments anymore, but hadn't gotten around to listing (or even taking pics of it).  HOWEVER, the Lord picked the exact time for me to mention that we were going to be selling it, as I was talking to my tellers and mentioned we needed to sell our boat and our ATV to get ready for Brayden.  One of them mentioned her husband had been looking at boats for about 6 months, and even picked up the Boat Trader Magazine when he could find one.  So, on Sunday they came by and took a look, and I sold it to them this morning. 

For me to look at that situation and think that Jesus' ways are mysterious or mystifying would be ignorance on my part.  It would be a complete denial of the truth Jesus sets forth that He is Holy and Just, and that He knows the desires of my heart even before I do.  To tag onto this, it also appears we have a buyer for the ATV, but it hasn't been "sold" as of yet.  All of these things are preparing a way for us to be able to bring Brayden home without having to get into debt to do it.  As we've read in a recent Bible Study -- God despises debt.  He loathes it.  In turn, Kelli and I are doing what we can to reduce our debt and pay off where it seems prudent.  Thus, we're selling the boat, selling the ATV, and selling some other items we have in the house that have been identified as "wants" instead of needs.  That way it will help enable Kelli to stay home and only work part-time so she can care for Brayden when the time comes that he is able to come home.

Suggested Reading -- Job 38 and 39 (yes, the whole chapters).  These will give you a rather humbling look at the wonders of God that we tend to take for granted.  A little excerpt I like -- God is speaking to Job with a rather harsh tone and says this... Job 38:1-7 "Then the Lord answered Job out of the storm.  He said: "Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge?  Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me.  Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?  Tell me, if you understand.  Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it? On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone -- while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy?"

The point being made here is, again -- there are no mysteries about the works of Jesus.  He is precisely deliberate in His timing, actions, deeds, and purpose.  Never fall for the world who says His ways are mysterious or that His timing is off.  It's our timing that's off -- not His.  Look back on the last 6 months of your life and really open your heart and mind to the wonders that God is working in you and through you.  Challenge yourself to be open to His guidance and will for you - and NEVER "be careful what you wish for" as that too is a worldly view of unworldly purposes.

In His Grace...DD

My Sweet Boy:

God's provisions

Today David and I planned on a day at home with Cameron and doing some errands around the house. But at 3:30 we got a call from Brayden's doctors. Dr. Lawrence said that Brayden had a tough morning and was pretty sick. Melissa, the NICU nurse that had been taking care of Brayden for the previous 3 days, noticed that he was acting quite different and began to order some tests. They found blood in his stool and he had an enlarged abdomen, followed by fever and multiple incidents where his heart rate fell. She immediately contacted Dr. Lawrence and they worked together to order the necessary blood work and X-Rays.


The X Rays showed enlarged intestines and his blood work alarmed them to possible infection. He ordered a procedure to give some relief and ordered a blood transfusion. We are extremely pleased and feel blessed that God has given Dr. Lawrence charge over Brayden's medical care. He is so involved and patient and informative when speaking with David & I. This afternoon, Dr. Lawrence explained to us that for whatever reason, premies often start having difficulty tolerating food around 30- 34 weeks and can develop what they refer to as N.E.C.K. It is an infection in the intestines that cause such inflammation, it could possibly lead to difficulty breathing and separation of the intestines. In such a case, they would need to remove the separated intestines in surgery and intibate for breathing, possibly needing a slow morphine drip.

PLEASE DEAR GOD, have mercy and healing on Brayden tonight! Dr. Lawrence visited Brayden before we left and said he was looking better and resting good. Dr. L was going to be there all night and into tomorrow morning. He assured us that he would be running XRays and blood work every 6 hours and would call with all results. He also assured me he would not leave the hospital tomorrow without seeing me.

I know this post is probably not as eloquent as our others....my mind feels scattered. A story God has laid on my heart as of late...is Lazarus. When Jesus first learned that Lazarus was ill, he responded " This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it." David & I firmly believe that God's glory is at the core of this story and that Jesus Christ will be glorified through Brayden's life and journey! Knowing this we anchor our feet in His word, move forward with the confidence given to us in Christ Jesus, and boldly walk down this road with praise and thanksgiving. (I am sometimes amazed at the amount of love I feel radiating through my being when I am holding Brayden. How could I have fallen this madly in love with this little creature in such a short time span. Then I am reminded how much more God loves Brayden.) David & I are just stewards of this precious little creation and we will stand fast in God's calling.

Praise and honor to our King, who opened Melissa's heart and eyes to the changes in Brayden's little body. This early detection and start of antibiotics could very well be God's way of allowing Brayden to avoid this complication. We have been praying for Brayden's doctors...for wisdom, and intuition, and a gentle bedside manner, and a vested interest, and commitment to life. This was an answer to prayers. We pray Brayden has a peaceful night and there will be no further infection development in his little body. When Jesus was speaking with Martha about Lazarus he assured her that "I am the resurrection and the life." We pray in the name of Jesus Christ for His blood to cover this infections that is trying to rob life from our son! Please join us in this prayer.





Kelli Dowdney

A different Sunday...

  Today David and I planned on a day at home with Cameron and doing some errands around the house.  But at 3:30 we got a call from Brayden's doctors. Dr. Lawrence said that Brayden had a tough morning and was pretty sick.  Melissa, the NICU nurse that had been taking care of Brayden for the previous 3 days, noticed that he was acting quite different and began to order some tests. They found blood in his stoole and he had an enlarged abdomen, followed by fever and multiple incidents where his heart rate fell.  She immediately contacted Dr. Lawrence and they worked together to order the neccesary blood work and X-Rays.
    The X Rays showed enlarged intestines and his blood work alarmed them to possible infection.  He ordered a proceedure to give some releif and ordered a blood transfusion.  We are extremely pleased and feel blessed that God has given Dr. Lawrence charge over Brayden's medical care. He is so involved and patient and informative when speaking with David & I.  This afternoon, Dr. Lawrence explained to us that for whatever reason, premies often start having difficulty tolerating food around 30- 34 weeks and can develop what they refer to as N.E.C.K.  It is an infection in the intestines that cause such inflamation, it could possibly lead to difficulty breathing and seperation of the intestines. In such a case, they would need to remove the seperated intestines in surgery and intibate for breathing, possibly needing a slow morphine drip. 
 PLEASE DEAR GOD, have mercy and healing on Brayden tonight! Dr. Lawrence visited Brayden before we left and said he was looking better and resting good. Dr. L was going to be there all night and into tomorrow morning. He assured us that he would be running XRays and blood work every 6 hours and would call with all results. He also assured me he would not leave the hospital tomorrow without seeing me.
   I know this post is probablly not as eloquent as our others....my mind feels scattered. A story God has laid on my heart as of late...is Lazarus.  When Jesus first learned that Lazarus was ill, he responded " This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it." David & I firmly believe that God's glory is at the core of this story and that Jesus Christ will be glorified through Brayden's life and journey! Knowing this we anchor our feet in His word,  move forward with the confidence given to us in Christ Jesus, and boldly walk down this road with praise and thanksgiving.  (I am somteimes amazed at the amount of love I feel radiating through my being when I am holding Brayden.  How could I have fallen this madly in love with this little creature in such a short time span. Then I am reminded how much more God loves Brayden.) David & I are just stewards of this precious little creation and we will stand fast in God's calling.
  Praise and honor to our King, who opened Melissa's heart and eyes to the changes in Brayden's little body. This early detection and start of antibiotics could very well be God's way of allowing Brayden to avoid this complication.  We have been praying for Brayden's doctors...for wisdome, and intuition, and a gentle bedside manner, and a vested interst, and committment to life. This was an answer to prayers. We pray Brayden has a peaceful night and there will be no further infection development in his little body. When Jesus was speaking with Martha about Lazarus he assured her that "I am the resurrection and the life." We pray in the name of Jesus Christ for His blood to cover this infections that is trying to rob life from our son! Please join us in this prayer.


Kelli Dowdney
   

What if we had birthed him?

That was the question I had to ask Kelli today, as we found out that the cyst on Brayden's brain is "polycystic" -- meaning there will be more (multiple).  The Doctor said that so far he is doing well with all the things we can expect him to be doing -- eating, sucking, sleeping, going to the bathroom, and growing.  So, those things are looking good.  We just need his brain to develop fully, and the Doctor is telling us he has a big uphill battle to fight here.  It appears that the cysts that develop will kill off those areas of the brain they are attached to, which is just as bad as it sounds.  The problem is that the Dr. really doesn't know what it will mean for his future.  He said that by putting him in a loving home it will help his development to progress further than if he was in a home where no one cared for him.  Yet, that was still a very hard pill to swallow.  You would think that even in this short time we would be getting more and more "used" to hearing bad news, but it still hits very hard. 

Kelli was fighting thru tears as she told me this today, and all I could think about was..."How would we handle this same situation if we had birthed him ourselves?"  If that were the case, then it would be no question of pushing thru this and doing what we need to do to take care of him.  So, many of you reading this may think we're crazy for moving forward, but again, we feel called by Jesus to be in this situation, and we know that He has made Brayden PERFECT in His eyes...so who are we to doubt that Jesus has everything under control, and He will give us the resources necessary to be the stewards over Brayden's life that we are chosen to be.  We must rest in that assurance, or get "cooked in the grease."

However, as I read in the Bible today...(John 19:10-11) "Do you refuse to speak to me?" Pilate said. "Don't you know I have the power either to free you or to crucify you?"  Jesus answered, "You would have no power over me if it were not given to you from above. Therefore the one who handed me over to you (Judas) is guilty of a greater sin."  Why did He lead me to this verse just now?  Because He wants me (and you) to know that He is the one in control, that He has the power...to heal or not to heal.  AND THAT'S EXACTLY HOW IT SHOULD BE!!!  I am the selfish one who wants everything to be "perfect" but the image I have of perfection is completely different than that of God.  He is the Ultimate Artist and will paint our picture just as it should be. 

Does this mean I'm resigned to the fact that I will be raising a child with handicaps???  Definitely NOT!  Because I believe in a God who can HEAL, MEND, and REFRESH.  So, I will continue to pray for His will to be done in my life and the life of my family.  That His glory be shown thru all of this.  That His name be praised for "Everything under the Heavens and the Earth are Yours, O Lord.  And this is your Kingdom"

Wow, it appears that I'm becoming a religious nut, but go through something like this on your own, and you will quickly see that Jesus is the only one who can get you (and me) through this. 

Anyways, now that I've gone on forever...again -- I will end with this:

Please, please, please continue to pray for Brayden, his brain, and that these cysts would be healed.  We must call upon the name of the Lord with fervor.  Pray too that His will would be done here, and that if He chooses not to heal Brayden completely, that he would provide the resources to give Brayden the very best life we can possibly give him.  It will be hard...we could be more "nurses" than we are "parents" but we know that God has put Brayden on this earth so that Kelli and I can raise him up to be a symbol of God's purity.  That's right -- I said purity when the world might look at Brayden and see brokenness or "impurities." 

I love you all and thank you for stopping by...feel free to end with a 15 second prayer for Brayden...that's really all the time it takes. 

DD

  These are pictures from last week

a very proud Mama!!

And these are few from last night...just to add to David's pictures!

sleepin snug as a bug in a rug!

It's such hard work waking up!!What a big yawn!

Daddy being sweet saying "Night Night, little Brayden"

There is healing power in the name of Jesus Christ.

Kelli

I have grown to hate this word

James 5:14-16 says "Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up.  If he has sinned, he will be forgiven.  Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.  The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

As I have said a few times before to most of you in either emails or previous posts -- now is NOT the time to be bashful with prayer.  Brayden has another sonogram on Monday and we got the result yesterday.  It appears that his brain is clear of fluid - blood and water - which is good.  His brain has also "resolved" the situation with the white matter...which from what we understand means that there is no more white matter in his brain -- Praise Jesus!  However, they have now found a cyst on his brain. 

That is the word I wish I never have to hear again -- cyst.  Cysts are what kept Kelli from being able to move forward with our IVF treatments, she had a cyst that ruptured over Memorial Day weekend that landed us in the E.R. This word "cyst" is becoming the root of all evil for me. 

The light at the end of the tunnel here is...what does this really mean?  Well, from speaking to a nurse last night while at the hospital it appears that Brayden isn't the first preemie to have a cyst on his brain, nor will he be the last.  So, she said they aren't necessarily common, but they do happen.  She said that what it could mean is that he is just a little slower in his development...it could go away and there be no problems...or it could get worse which could lead to a whole slew of issues. 

Thus, NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO BE BASHFUL WITH PRAYER!!!  Seriously...what are you waiting for...take 30 seconds and say a prayer for Brayden. 



Ok, thank you very much for doing that.  :)

Otherwise, the little bugger is getting bigger by the minute - putting on weight quickly (like his daddy) which is very good.  Everything else in his tiny little body is growing just as it should, we just need some help with his brain. 

Hopefully these pics come thru, but we were at the hospital last night and were there when the nurses were changing out his mask and cleaning his face, so we got some really good shots of him with his eyes open and NO MASK!!!  

Enjoy!!

The blue tube they have in his face is pure oxygen to help him breathe while his mask is off.  Kelli is shading his eyes so he isn't squinting so bad

Here he is yawning since we woke him up to take his mask off...

This next one is just after he shut his mouth from yawning.   :)

This is probably a little close, as it looks like he has a Ginormous forehead, but the Iphone's camera is only so good. 

This last one is similar to the first one in that Kelli is trying to keep him from squinting so bad.

That's our little man -- Brayden Jackson Dowdney

Answer to Prayer

    You know those old cartoons, kinda like Tom & Jerry, when someone gets an idea and a light bulb appears over their head. I totally experienced that yesterday morning driving home from church.  It really was like a light bulb was turned on and I had a "Well, DUH!!! " Don't you just love those moments.
     David and I had completed our last infertility treatments back in July of last year. We decided that we would "recover" physically, emotionally, and let our marriage breath, if you will, before we moved forward with adoption. We both really wanted to be called into adoption instead of just jumping in with both feet. We wanted the Lord to call us into adoption, instead of that being our solution to get a baby. We wanted to wait upon the Lord and his timing.  So, in January we started to request adoption packets and gather information.  When the informatoin came, those packets sat on the kitchen table for months and months.  I, more so that David, was extremely convicted that we would have a unique situation. My hearts desire was to be called to a certain baby or birth mom...that we would not go through the cattle-herding process of a traditional agency. Not that those are bad by any means!! I just wanted a personal experience...I wanted to know that God had called me and David to love and raise THIS particular child.  I remember telling David once "But how can I possibly choose one Adoption Agency and send in one application? What if I choose agency A and God has my baby at agency B!" That is actually what was going through my mind. Like I was big enough or important enough to interfere with the God of the universe and His plan for our family!
     So we began to pray that God would call us to a specific baby.  We wanted God's glory and providence to be evident and His name to be exhaulted through our journey.  Well....wanted and still want! :)  We wanted it to be "God gave David & Kelli a baby" instead of  "Kelli and David adopted a baby!"  So knowing that this was our prayer, why is it such a suprise that we are in the middle of the story that we are in?  Why has my flesh complained and fought against what I prayed God would do through us? Becuase it's not HOW I wanted to God to "show up?"  ugh....I have so much to learn!
     Essentially, I have asked Jesus if I could be the follower to walk on water. "Let your glory and power be known by calling me to walk on water, that the world will see your amazing power and providence!"  So Jesus shows up, like he normally does when we call out His name. So he show up and asks us to take a chance on a little baby that has been given no chance at all.  He calls us to walk on water by adoption a baby that was born 15 weeks early and tested positive for drugs.  So he calls me. He calls me to get out of the boat and follow him to walk on water. To walk a road that I have never walked and that is scarry and to a place where I don't know where to place my next footing will be.   THIS IS WHAT I PRAYED FOR! Yet, for some reason I have remained in the boat.  I mean, seriously why would you WANT to get out of a perfectly good boat! I know this boat and it's familiar to me and safe...and there is nothing wrong with this boat! Why would I risk getting out of the boat at the possibility that I might sink?
     This morning God really used this story to speak to me.  See, when Peter was in the boat he felt safe becuase he was placing his confidence in the ability of the boat. When he was walking on water, his confidence was relying on the ability of Jesus. Where do we put our hope? It would be so easy for me and David to simply say that this baby is too much trouble..too many unknowns.  We don't have to adopt this sick little baby that seems to have the world against it! Plus, we have a good, easy life now.  This is a good comfortable boat that we are on!!  BUT....when Jesus called us everything changed.  We are called not to lean into our own understanding but to rely on the promise that He will never leave or forsake us.  That there IS healing power simply by touching the hem of His garment and if we will humble ourselves and pray...He will heal our land! That at the moment we are most terrified and scared and in the most vulnerable place we have ever been....miracles will happen.  People will see and know that our God is a living and powerful God that is still in the business of miracles.......that people still walk on water through the power of Jesus Christ.

  So we are stepping out of the boat! This entire strory is excatly what we prayed for.  So I will not be anxious or stressed or upset! I will not let the enemy steal my joy! We are boldy praying for healing.  But that healing might be in Brayden's little body or it might be that God will use Brayden throughout his life to heal a broken and unbelieving generation that has yet to come.  God is sovereign and we rest in his providence. Whatever that road might look like, however ever scary or unknown, he will raise up angels and believers to guide and support us along the way! Regardless, we will praise the name of Jesus.

Our son, Brayden Jackson Dowdney, was born September 19th, 2009 at 2 lbs and 1 ounce. He is currenly at Cook Children's in Ft. Worth and weighs 3 lbs.  Please continue to pray for healing of the White Matter in his little brain! We can't wait for Brayden to come home and meet all his family & friends! He is already a very blessed little boy!              
 Oh my goodness......WE HAVE A SON!! 

Kelli
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Fussy Day..

 Yesterday morning I woke up and slated out my entire day with several important errands on my ToDo List! However...after my quiet time I just felt this heaviness on my heart that I couldn't shake.  I finished up some things around the house and knew I just needed to go see the baby. Baby D is at Cook Childrens in downtown Ft. Worth, which is about an hour from where we live in Carrollton.  I am SO SO glad that I went yesterday.  I got to speak with his NeoNatal specialist and the hospital chaplain.  They have increased his food again, in hopes to get more protein and calories to help him grow.  The first increased dosage was about 45 minutes after I got there.  He didn't do very well and ended up pushing most of the food back out his feeding tube.  Some of the od got in his breathing mask and it was a little scary there for about 3 minutes...which seemed like hours!  His little heart rate fell dramatically and he got really upset. 
  The nurses in the NICU are absolutely amazing!!  In no time at all, they had his mask off and had suctioned all the fluid out of his lungs and nose an mouth and had him breathing again and stable.  He was still pretty upset but we were able to hold him and get him calmed back down!  UGH.....once we had him calmed down and resting I asked his nurse if she could now work on me and my heart rate.  I let him rest until his next feeding and then rocked him for about an hour!
   I talked to his nurse this morning and he is doing ok. They are keeping him at the same feeding but he is still not taking the entire amount. Please pray that he will get use to the increased amount without difficulty and grow.  I am not able to go to the hospital today becuase I have WyldLife this afternoon and needed to get ready for club.  I really don't like not getting to see him everyday! This is definitely new. It's going to be a long 2 1/2 months! Thank you for everyone reading and praying and loving this little angel.  Please keep approaching the throne with boldness as we pray for complete healing. much love!
Kell D

1st Temper Tantrum

I have always heard that when you become a mom you get experience alot of firsts! Yesterday we had our 1st First! I visited Baby D yesterday and had such a sweet, quiet time with him. We rocked and talked and prayed and sange for almost 2 hours. When it came time to put him back in his incubator, we got him all bundled back up and comfortable and I was getting ready to leave and noticed that he was starting to cry..then the cry turned into a super duper red face...then his little arms and legs started to straighten out and the bottum lip was quivering. The NICU nurses came over and helped me get his settled back down. I gave him his pacifyer and he started to suckle and sound like a little pig! We all got tickled becuase they said he had never done that before..not even cried. We figured he was hungry and they started his feeding a little early for him. He settled right down and was ready for a nap!

Ahhhhh...it really hurt my heart to leave, more so than any of the times before. Which is really and answer to prayers in itself. Last week, I had a few anxious days that I was just really flooded with doubt and fear. What if I wouldn't be able to love him? What if when I looked at him or held him..I couldn't make my heart feel like he was ours? Well, God has definitely given me peace over all those fears. Doesn't the enemy love to steal our joy? Well, maybe it was easier when I was starting to get attached. It is such a self preservation defense..to distance ourselves or our hearts from things that could hurt or disappoint. But Jesus calls us into a wild abandonment of love so that the world might see HIM through our actions. I definitely know that He blessed me with a crazy, scary love for this little boy! I just can't wait to get him home and let you all meet him! Keep praying...

Kelli

Boldness for Baby D

This morning I learned that Dr. Lawrence has ordered a 3rd sonogram for Baby D. This sonogram is set for October 19th am. I will be forwarding out an email asking that we get this prayer request in as many hands as possible. We are asking that while the previous sonograms were progressively more concerning, that we would see dramatic improvement with Baby D's white matter in his little brain. PLEASE, we are asking that you tell, email, call, write as many people as you know and ask for prayers that we will see the damaged areas repaired and minimized on this new brain sonogram. We are so thankful for our precious, faithful friends and family....every single prayer is vital to the future of our son.

Kelli

Quick Update

Hey folks...just wanted to shoot you out a quick update. Baby D (we have a name, but Momma hasn't said I can release it yet) has put on a little weight. Let's just hope he doesn't grow to be as big as Daddy! Anywho -- he was born on Sept 19th at 2lbs 2oz, and as of yesterday weighed 2lbs 10oz !!!

So, he's putting on weight which is good. They have started to give him breast milk which will help put some weight on him, and they've also added some vitamins and proteins to his daily diet. Good stuff!!

Keep praying over his BRAIN! Again, now is not the time to hold back.

IF YOU TOOK THE TIME TO READ THIS POST -- THEN TAKE 30 EXTRA SECONDS AND SAY A PRAYER ASKING FOR HEALING OVER THIS LITTLE BABY BOY!!

Acts 3:16 -- By faith in the name of Jesus, this man whom you see and know was made strong. It is Jesus' name and the faith that comes through him that has given this complete healing to him, as you can all see. (a man who was crippled from birth was healed and Peter was speaking to those who were eye witnesses to this healing)

love ya,
DD

A day of hope

On my heart today.....

I am not my own and I have been carried by God all my life.
Everything rides on my hope and faith in you, oh Lord. For you have come that they might have abundant life and have it to the fullest!

We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield
Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in you.
But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you!
Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

"If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land."

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

THE PUMP

While yesterday was uneventful for David....let's just say that I was truly not mentally prepared for the "activities" that soon unfolded with the lactation consultant. In my mind, she was just gathering me information and resources on the possibility of me being able to breast feed. Well, you can imagine my suprise when she asked if I wanted to go review my options with her and 5 minutes later I was "hooked up." WOW..... I would love to give you a break down of our conversation, as it would have most of you rolling in the floor with laughter. I told David that I felt like I had just blindly walked into a Saturday night live skit! I do have to say though, that the lactation consultant was very passionate about her job and EVERYTHING that that entailed!

But the good news is that we are going to try. It's nice that I have a little while to prepare and adjust. I'm going on some natural supplements and will start my "regime with the machine" on Monday. It will all be worth it if I will be able to feed him once he gets home! I do have to admit...it's starting to get very real!

much love

Kelli

Yesterday's Visit

Well, being that I have to work this Saturday (10th) I get a half day during the week, which turned out to be yesterday. Initially my game plan was to head home and get some studying done as I have 2 Case Studies, a Final, and a Group Project all due next week. However, Kelli thought it would be a good idea for us to run up to the Hospital and see Baby D. So, we hopped in the 'Yota (Toyota) and headed to Ft. Worth to see him.

When we got there it we were able to get right in to see him, and let the attending nurse know that we wanted to hold him. So, she proceeded to get him situated as he has a bunch of wires coming off him which make it a little tedious to pull him out of the bed and lay him on our arm. Since the birth mother got to hold him the first time we saw him, and Kelli and my Mom got to hold him the second time -- it was my turn this time! All in all it was very uneventful as he slept pretty much the whole time I held him. He did open his eyes a few times for about a 1 minute span of time, but that was about all the action we got to see from him. The good thing was I got to hold him for about an hour (maybe longer...I didn't note the time)

Kelli was able to get some help/instructions on how she may be able to breast feed. So, we are looking into that and ALL it entails.

Otherwise, the only updates we have for him is that he's gained 5oz of weight. He was born at 2lbs 2oz and now weighs 2lbs 7oz. He's getting bigger!!! Which we are so thankful for...we just need to keep PRAYING over his brain -- that it continues to grow, develop, and HEAL!!!!

We love you all and will keep you up to date the next time we know something -- which should be the end of this month as he will have another brain sonogram.
DD

C'est La Vie

To say that our life is not normal would be the understatement of the century! So, I'm not sure that I'm too surprised to be placed in our newest situation. Don't take that the wrong way as I mean it to be that the old cliche' always seems to apply with me and Kelli --> The Lord Works in Mysterious Ways. I have to say that over the past few weeks and months I have taken a few steps back and tried to look "big picture" at some of the Works the Lord has done in my life (and marriage). As has been mentioned in previous posts...Kelli and I have probably been thru more things than the typical married couple has to go through. Let me qualify that by saying we TOTALLY understand that each marriage has its own struggles and trials, and ours is no different. We've battled thru miscarriages, then infertility treatments, that then led to In-Vitro which all left us "empty." Each of those experiences left scars that only Kelli and I know about, and to that extent even scarred each of us in separate ways from the other. Kelli is also a cancer survivor which has put another "scar" on her flesh...which also looks different than the scar that was left on me. HOWEVER -- James 1:2 tells us to "consider it pure joy, brothers, when faced with trials of many kinds." From there it tells us that character and perseverance is built when we face hard times (my paraphrasing).

All that to say that these trials and tribulations have led us to where we are today -- looking to find our way to Cook's Children's Hospital to visit what may be our son. Our son who is fighting thru a brain injury that could lead to any of a number of what the world calls "handicaps." As I type this the wife and I are even to this minute still trying to figure out what we want to do, how we are going to do it, and if we are CRAZY for even considering it.

Kelli said something the other day when we were at lunch with the birth mother that I really appreciated. She said that we as Christians always say that Jesus won't give us more than we can handle...ever heard (or said) that before?? Well, she expounded on that to say that she thinks sometimes Jesus DOES give us more than we can handle. What?? Why would He do that? Well, for no other reason than to lean on HIM who can carry you through -- makes a little sense doesn't it? Now, who are we to know exactly why Jesus does the things He does...but I hadn't ever really thought it that way. However, looking at many of the things we've been through, I can say that in those times it really forced us to allow Christ to "carry" us through. I can say that the last month -- the Lord has carried me through. Everytime I have struggled, cried, freaked, stressed, gotten angry, or prayed...it has been Jesus' touch that I have felt.

Our pastor recently spent the summer on a 3 month sabbatical (spelling?)...and when he returned he gave us an amazing sermon on some of the things he had experienced with his family. He told a story of taking his teenage daughter to a Christian Camp where they do all sorts of activities that build trust, character, and closeness. It sounded like a wonderful bonding experience for him and his daughter. He told us a story of him and his daughter were sent out on a hike, where they travel up the side of a mountain (I think the camp was in Washington State) and then when they get to the top they have a picnic together and enjoy the scenery. He showed some amazing pics at the top of the mountain where they were looking down on a range of Mtns and you could see all the peak, valleys, clouds, and tree lines. They were amazing -- but that' s not even the good part. He said that after he and his daughter had their picnic, they were enjoying the scenery and conversation...he thought this would be the perfect time...

He had his daughter stand up, and while she was standing there he pulled a Purity Ring out of his pocket and talked to her about the significance of the ring, and he got down on one knee and "proposed" to her that she keep her body pure for her future husband, and that if she accepted that honor, he wanted to place the ring on her finger. Our pastor is a pretty sensitive guy, and as he's describing this scene he gets pretty choked up, which has the whole stinking sanctuary sniffling, crying, or tearing up. It was a pretty powerful speech. He ended with relating his love for his daughter to the love Christ has for us. See, Pete (our pastor) mentioned that before he took this time off, his "feelings" were hardened and he couldn't figure out why. In being a pastor he has to deal with a lot of the ugly side of humanity -- disease, death, discomfort, pain, etc. He said he had felt his heart hardening to some of these things and couldn't understand why. So, this journey he took with his daughter was a great way for him to also relate his love for his daughter to the Love the Father has for us. Again, he starts crying on stage as he tells us about some the time at camp he was able to have with his Heavenly Father in getting reconnected to Him.

I write this massive post to say that at the end of the sermon Pete asked us to come to the front and let go anything that is keeping us from God. In short...Kelli and I went down front to kneel at the altar and I have not cried like that in a long time! I mean -- sobbing, choking, sniveling (if that's a word), looking like an idiot but didn't care -- CRYING! I have not felt the Love of Christ flow over me like that since I was in High School. It was about a week later that we were approached about this adoption.

How can I not take into consideration the Love that Christ has for me, and compare it to Love He has for this baby...no matter his condition. Talking about crying -- I tried to be a "rock" for my wife while we were at the hospital due to her breaking down a few times while we were there. However, I couldn't get to my car fast enough to let loose the tears I had for this little guy who didn't choose to have this happen to him...to let loose the fear and anxiety I have over our involvement...to release the anger I have toward the situation as a whole. I sat in my car for 30 minutes and cried again the kind of cry that can't be stopped. Even when I thought I was done, and left the hospital to head to class, I had to pull over 3 times because I couldn't see the road ahead of me.

I had to get that out that day so I could then be able to move forward and deal with these emotions. Crying is a release, and being a guy, it's a release that I don't take advantage of very often. However, I feel that was the Lord's way of allowing me to release some of the fear, anxiety, anger, and trepidation I have. He needed me to do that so I can let it go, and come to His feet with this little baby and hand him over -- to Jesus who knows exactly what He wants to do with the little guy.

Okay, so now that you've spent an hour reading this thing, I want to wrap it up in saying this -- Kelli and I still don't know what the Lord's Will is in all of this, and we are trying to make sure we are open to whatever His desire is for our involvement in this baby's life. However, I can say that thru this trial it has forced me to draw nearer to the One who will provide the necessary feelings, thoughts, resources, care, and love for all who are involved...not just me, Kelli, and the baby. It has been thru these past few weeks that I am at peace in knowing that we are called to be right where we are at that very instant. Where we will be in an hour, a day, a month, and a year I dont' know, but I do know the One who does...and His will is sufficient for me.

I love you all, and know that NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO BE BASHFUL WITH PRAYER!!!! Please continue to lift this Baby, and me, and Kelli, the Doctor's, and anyone else involved up to the Lord so His will is done in all of this. So that HE will find glory and praise, and not us. We don't want any accolades for doing this...we want HIM to be glorified and praised for the works HE will do in all of this.

Thanks for listening/reading
DD

With Hope

"Oh, that I might have my request, that God would grant what I hope for." Job 6:8

I prayed last night with hope for complete healing. I have been researching over the last two days the informatoin that the doctor gave us. I have learned that the condition which the baby is possibly developing is called Periventricular Leukomalacia, which is damage and softening of the white matter, the inner part of the brain that transmits information between the nerve cells and the spinal cord. All the research and informatoin I have found to date is inconclusive and the affects of PL can range quite substantially. At this point, we are trying to educate ourselves and find out as much as possible what exactly we are facing. With that said, please pray that we don't get so "educated" that we negate the power of prayer and the healing character of our mighty savior.

Turn your ear to me, come quickly to my rescue;
be my rock of refuge, a strong fortress to save me.
Since you are my rock and my fortress,
for the sake of your name lead and guide me.

I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for you saw my affliction
and knew the anguish of my soul.

Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD.

Psalm 31

Be anxious for nothing,but in everything by prayer and supplication,with thanksgiving,let your requests be made known to God;and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding,will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Phillipians 4: 6-7

Call to prayer for healing

David & I were extremely pleased to learn that the Baby D's doctor was eagerly awaiting our arrival and had scheduled a conference room for us to be able to visit. He updated up the background of the medical condition that had occured pre-delivery. The twins had a condition that he call Twin-Twin Transfusion. This condition is where one baby is basically taking all the nutrients and blood instead of them equally sharing. In Twin Twin Transfusion, the initial baby(host) then takes the all the nutrients and tries to pump it to the sibling. So you have a Host twin and a Recipient Twin. Becuase of this condition the babies blood supply to the brain can vary and is not contstant and when you have a dissruption of blood flow to the brain, it is in essence like having small strokes.
Through a series of Brain sonograms, made possible through the soft spot in infants skulls, they have identified two concerning area in the cortex of the brain. This "white matter" prevent communication from the brain to certain areas of the body, mostly affecting motor skills and the brain's ability to process. It is too early for any of the doctor's to be able to tell us what affect this will have later in life. The developmental milestone's that each child goes through (rolling over, sitting up, pulling up, walking, talking, reading, ect) will be very indicitive as to how his brain is affected. As the doctor expressed, the human body is very unpredictable. You can have the same sympton and each person might be affected differently. We might be looking at a slight learning dissability or we could possibly be looking at one of the three types of Cerebral Palsey. He might be severly brain damaged and require complete medical attention or he might just be hyper active. He is still so very young, he was 25 weeks premature, that how his brain develops and heals going forward has yet to be seen.
This was tough news for everyone to wrap their brains around and quite emotional! We spent some time with the baby and visited with the nurses; THEY ARE ANGLES!!! Michelle was pretty disturbed and was pretty needy with her time with the baby. David & I allowed her to have the quiet moments that she needed and then we were able to pray over his little body.
I have to admitt, I left the hospital feeling overwhelmed. Dr. Lawrence was pretty frank when he described the amount of care and attention this little baby might be needing; Occupational Thereapist, Speech Therapist; Social Workers; In-home Nurses; Nutritionists,....and the list goes on. Of course, this is WORSE CASE and we know that our God is in the business of healing. But for the rest of the afternoon, I have to say, that my conversations with God sounded more like my laundry list of how I am inadequate to mother this baby! I felt like Jonah or Moses trying to convice God that he has the wrong guy! Isn't that just like our flesh...how quickly I forget and revert back to trying to put our God in this little box and say "Oh, this is just too big for you to handle."
This morning I went back to the very first verse that David texted me with the tagline ..."I think we have our answer to this baby." Hebrews 12:12 "Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. Make level paths for your feet, so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed."

I will not be anxious. I will pray for healing and present our requests boldly to the throne of God. I will give thanks for my salvation,this little life, this journey, my husband, God's providence. I will rest in the peace that God has given us even though we don't understand what tomorrow may look like, so that our hearts and minds may be gaurded.

Meeting Michele

Yesterday David & I headed into the day with excitement and anticipation as we had been told the evening before that we would be able to meet the birth mother and the baby. As I drove through the rain to Ft. Worth I prayed for my attitude towards Michelle, the birth mom. I had found, that in recent days, I was angry and frustrated at her. How do you take the blessing of life and be so self centered that you ruin it? Did she not know the affect she was having on her unborn babies? And then the big question I had been asking God all week....How did God allow Michelle to get pregnant knowing her lifestyle and has allowed my womb to stay closed? My answer was not exactly what I was expecting. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. Isaiah 55:7-9 There were several stories that was laid on my hear the night before our meeting;the women at the well & the women with the alabaster jar are just a few. In Micah it is states that God "will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea." I prayed that my words and actions would reflect Jesus and his love for us.
In listening to her story and throughout our conversation over lunch, I was amazed at how my thoughts and attitude changed. Our hearts overflowed with compassion for Michelle and for these babies! Our conversation was very natural and was truly an answer to prayers! Thank you all so very much for praying! When we were all finished eating, Michelle concluded that she felt we were the right parents for her little boy. She asked us about names and said she liked the ones we were considering. She had been calling him Gabriel and is how the doctor's know him. Michelle shared that she is facing some jail time and could possibly be part of God's road to sobriety for her. It was a good visit and all parties were ready to head to the hospital and check on the baby boy!!

Lamentations 3

21 Yet I still dare to hope
when I remember this:

22 The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
His mercies never cease.
23 Great is his faithfulness;
his mercies begin afresh each morning.
24 I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance;
therefore, I will hope in him!”

25 The Lord is good to those who depend on him,
to those who search for him.
26 So it is good to wait quietly
for salvation from the Lord.

This precious verse was sent to me this morning and just really nailed exactly where my heart is. Our hope is in the Lord and HE is faithful.

Our visit today has been postponed but we have re-scheduled to tomorrow, which is much sooner that I was anticipating. We are meeting the case worker, and possibly the birth mom, at 11 am and will then head over to Cook's Childrens. We will meet with the doctors and nurses and then get to spend some time with the baby. We have recently learned that the doctors and staff are not being very cooperative with releasing information as there are so many people involved at this point. From the birth mom, to the agency, and CPS....now us. We are praying to establish good relationships with the doctors and that they will educate and communicate with us freely. The last update we received was last week ; A sonogram showed some slight brain abnormalities but a MRI would not be completed until he is term.

That's all I know for now......I am going to try to get out of the house for a little bit today. Still praying for what my next career move is.

Hospital Meeting

Today we received a call this afternoon from our case worker with Inheritance Adoptions, Leslie, that the birth mother is extremely sick with pneumonia. She will not be able to meet us tomorrow and, therefore, we will not be able go to the hospital. Leslie that she was about to call the hospital and see if there was a chance that they would let us see the baby at all.

Just got a follow up and it sounds like could get in to see him, but the doctors will not release any information until the birth mom lists me and David on the medical release paper. So, I'm waiting for David to get home to see what we're going to do. Leslie said that they are going to try for Friday to arrange another meeting so David will have to try again to get off work for Friday instead of tomorrow. We will have to see what happens....

Not much on the job front today. I had a few great leads that ended up closed doors. I am beginning to think that the Lord is REALLY moving me out of this industry that I have built my career in...for 13 years. I have no idea where he is moving me to or how I am going to contribute income to our family. I know that this is an extremely emotional journey and there is so much evidence of God's hand! Why do I doubt him?? If GOD can provide manna and doves in the wilderness every day for 40 years while the children of Israel wondered in the desert....what makes me think he will not provide for me? I think my struggle is that I want him to take care of me on a monthly and yearly basis instead of Day by Day! I want it all up front and where I can see the future. Flesh against spirit...

David just walked in....I love it when he finally gets home!!!

K

Therfore strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees

Life with the Dowdney's may become just a bit more interested very soon!! For those who are close friends and family you may be asking yourselves "How is that possible?" Well, grab a cup of coffee and your favorite pillow becuase we have a bit to share!! Since our last visit, we have had some changes so let me see where I left off at.......................ah yes....kicking off a new semester.

Looking at another full year as Younglife's WyldLife Director was on my mind a bit. YoungLife is probablly one of the things I am most passionate about. However, my job had really become overwhelming. After some conversations and prayer time, it was evident that I needed a change. I started interviewing and preparing thinking I'll find something else first, then leave. That's the responsible thing to do. The morning of my very first WyldLife Kickoff Leadership meeting I was called into a meeting that resulted in an involuntary resignation. At first this was very painful but God has just showed me so many things during this time. My priorities had really fallen short of my calling that God has placed on my life. I had not been a good wife or mother or friend....or daughter of the King!! Every area of my life had suffered becuase of this Job!!! I couldn't put my finger on it at the time, but David & I kept saying that God was moving me for a reason..we just didn't know why!

Well, the reason started to become apparant two weeks ago when we received an emai from some dear friends of ours. The email was regarding an adoption opportunity... for twins. Our hearts were drawn immediately, as during the last miscarriage we had heard two heartbeats. We received the email on MOnday, visited with the Case Worker on Tuesday, and by Thursday we both felt that we should complete the application and proceed. Neither one of us knew what our involvement would end up looking like but we did know that we felt we were again being called into a situation for a purpose.

We learned that the babies were due in December, however, it had been an extremely difficult pregnancy due to the birth mother's continued drug use. The case worker started preparing us for biracial, special needs TWINS! We knew it was crazy...we didn't know where the money would come from....neither of us are prepared to be a special needs parent! But we just had this ...thing, in our hearts that told us to trust and follow.

Last Saturuday while I was in Palestine visiting my parents we received a phone call from the case worker. The twins had been born the night before and one had not made it. The other twin was going to Cook's but it didn't look good at all! Through the week, we received updates regarding the baby and prayed as to what our next step would be. The case worker said if we wanted to wait until he was term and the health was determined, we could definitely do that. The baby had tested positive for drugs and being so premature, his future was just so uncertain. But something just kept tugging our hearts. This was a little baby fighting for life and survival. He needed a family...a mother to pray for him and a father to hold his hand.

Friday morning when David was leaving for work we both felt that we needed to make a decition. We thought about how Christ didn't wait to see if we were going to be good or healthy before he chose the nails for our eternal salvation. He loved us despite all of our special needs. And do we not serve a God that is big enough to heal? A few hours after he left he texted me "I think we have our answer...turn to Hebrews 12:12. I ran downstairs to our bedroom and grabbed my bible..."Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. Make level paths for your feet so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed." The Holy Spirit just used this verse to confirm His calling. We felt that we needed to let the case worker know there were not "If's" or "Maybe's"...our baby had been born on September 19th and was at Cook's Childrens fighting for survival. The case worker allowed us to complete the Home Study on Saturday so that we could schedule our initial visit to the hospital.

We are planning on meeting the case worker and doctors on Wednessday for the first time. We have lots of questions for the doctors and can't wait to see this little baby. Nothing has been finalized, we are still waiting on the paperwork and home study to be completed. We also have to meet the birth mom. CPS is involved due to the nature of the condition of the babies when they were born and will be handeling the birth mom's future involvement.

We are asking for prayers for Baby Dowdney at this time. Please pray for complete healing and protection and he continues to grow. We are praying that he will not have any brain damage while he is going through withdrawls and the his little body continues to develope. We are thankful that he is in a safer environment now so that he can continue to develope.

We are so thankful for all of our friends and family that have loved us over the past 8 years as we have waited. We love you more than I express.

Kelli

Camping, Capming, and more Camping

The theme for this summer...CAMPING!!! We started out this summer going camping with the fam up in Arkansas at Lake Catherine State Park. It was early summer, June, and we took a long weekend and headed north. Mom & Dad, KC, Joel & Val...and the kids (Savannah & Burke)...me & David...and a select few of the puppies puppies...Coco, Josey, & Peyton. It was really a fun weekend. We hiked up a woodsy mountain with streams running down everywhere. ON the other side the trail led us to a series of waterfalls and cliffs to jump off! It was super fun....me & Savannah & Burke were the only ones that would jump! (I wonder how I always end up with the kids?? :))

July was consumed with WyldLife! The begining of the month the WL leaders huddled at our house weekly and did a GREAT job of recruiting kids for camp! This really set us up good to have strong numbers for camp when our bus pulled out of Carrollton on July 16th. We went to Carolina Creek and had an amazing week! It actually raided 3 days at camp, which kept it nice a cool. I was extremely grateful, as I had fractured my ankle the week before and had a beautiful black cast boot that I got to drag around with me. I took 5 student leaders with me to camp and I just have to say that I was so so proud of them at camp. They did an amazing job and the Lord really worked through them. The jr high kids just adored getting to spend time with the leaders and it was cool to see the leaders love unselfishly. I have posted some great pictures from camp below.

This week we went camping at Richland Chambers Lake for the McCann family reunion. Cameron brought his friend Ryan and we spent the weekend in a cabin that could fit in our living room...camping with 3 boys and 2 dogs was pushing the envelope but it was so much fun!!! BOYS ARE NASTY!! So....I tried to spend as much of the weekend as possible on the lake. I LOVED LOVED taking all the "little people", mom calls all the kids in the family, out on our new tube! I will have to upload the video I have showing Cameron and Ryan screeming like little girls!!!

So, our camping summer is over and we are now gearing up for Fall semester. Usually, this time of year the only thing we are focusing on is planning a semester of YoungLife/WyldLife/Younglive, ect and trying to get our Holiday schdules solidified. HOWEVER....this year is a little different. We are trying to get a Senior in High School ready for his last year! Senior pictures, Two-A-Days, Class rings, Letter Jackets....the list goes on and on. Most parent have had 11+ years of "getting ready for school" but this is our first time. IT IS EXHAUSTING!! We are excited about being "Football Parents" and have our Mustang football season tickets waiting on the frig for us!

Look for pictures to come soon. Love to all...Kelli

Days at Camp

Back to Reality

God is so big and good! Camp was absolutely wonderful!! God sent a nice cloud cover and rain to keep us cool, amazing WyldLife leaders that He raised up to step in the gap, true healing and protection for my ankle, ,and amazing kids that He allowed me to love on for 5 days....and for them to love on me! :) Our kids were awesome, the leaders really did just leave me amazed, and the staff was great at aiding a bit of assistance here and there to help me keep up.

I have to admit that at first I was really bummed out about my ankle, knowing how much it was going to pull me out of and limit me to at camp. But I really do think that just might have been God's plan. During the times the kids were on the zip lines, or the ropes, or the blob, I had some amazing quiet time that the Lord really spoke to me. Some things that were really hard to hear that I know he just had to get me still enough in order to listen. And, in my absence, God totally raised up the leaders that went to be these awesome camp leaders that loved on kids, prayed with them, and even led a good number to the foot of the cross! I am really proud of them for the leadership that they had this week.....Chris, Tori, Ben, Christine, and Forrest...you guys completely rock my socks off!

As for this kids....I think I'm going to have to save that for tomorrow's post. I am so whooped and my bed is calling my name. I will post about the kids and share some pics and videos with you throughout the week! Thanks for covering us in prayer while we were gone.

KD

And....They're Off!!

Yes ma'am!!! We are officially headed to Carolina Creek!! God is so so great!! As of Sunday night we only had 6 campers and today I have a bus full of 22 campers and leaders!! My WyldLife leaders completely rock my socks off! We all gathered at the Downdey Den on Monday night and called every kid and parent on the Carrollton WyldLife roster..yep all 140 of them. We begged and bartered to get all our camps spots full ...and we did! Well, God did....plus 1!

So here we are on the bus....all the health forms gathered, bags loaded, and flu checks completed. Pray for our week.....can't wait to share all the things God will do in our lives this week at Carolina Creek!

The Ankle

Well....need a little bit of prayer lifted! I had my follow up appointment today for the ankle and it looks like the doctor isn't very pleased. I have some discoloring that he is concerned about, the swelling was still too much for his liking, and I have limited mobility to bend and flex. He ordered an MRI and stated that he wants to make sure we are no looking at major Ligament damage. The discoloration that we thought we were seeing from bruising he thinks now is blood and fluid, which explains the consistent swelling. Fractures usually don't involve that much fluid or blood..so we schedule the MRI tomorrow for next week.

He thinks I'll be fine for camp....I am just praying that this doesn't become the focus or prove to be too limiting while I am at camp. I need to be focused on my kids and supporting my leaders. I am praying for divine interventions, for the opportunity for conversations for kids to share, for the wisdom for me and leaders to listen and be responsive to how He leads us counsel.

Thank you so much for reading and being a part of our lives...we love you all so dearly.

Kelli

Birthday Planning

So, Cameron's birthday is right around the corener...August 16th and we have decided that we are going to let Cameron decide how we celebrate his birthday. And his focus the last two days is trying to decide what exactly he wants to do. So far he has asked if he could move all the furniture out of the living room and have a foam party...A FOAM PARTY IN MY LIVING ROOM!!! Then he started looking around and asked if we had any spare mattresses? And asked if our back yard was big enough to build a bonfire and if streaking was illegal!! I don't like where this is going at all!

But I tell you what I DID like, what I actually LOVED....I loved sitting in my living room laughing and talking with Cameron tonight. Cameron just got back from a week at Crooked Creek where he went with our Young Life groupd to camp. Cameron had a great time with the kids and leaders and was able to spend some amazing time with the Lord. Tonight, I think really for the first time since he joined us in January, Cameron and I had no walls between us, no barriers, and it really seemed like I was sitting in my living room laughing and sharing as a family!

Of course, we stated that no he could not have a foam party on our hard wood floors and there would be no ma tress surfing down the stairs, no bonfires or streaking. But the joy and excitement in his eyes just at the opportunity to plan his own birthday party.....as he shared with us tonight....his very first birthday party ever!! Please pray that we can keep him real ed in, as that in and of itself is a very difficult tasks with any teenager! But most of all, how thankful I am for this time that we spent tonight together. Just recently, David and I spent a significant amount of time praying and searching to know if we were doing the right thing with Cameron being here under our care. It's so refreshing to see the sweet, tender moments that the Father allows to confirm his will in our lives.

So for the time being, the birthday plans have not solidified into anything firm. We will keep you posted on what wonderful ways we keep coming up with to kick off Cameron's 18th year on this earth and his Senior year at Creekview! Love you all....

KD

The weekend before CAMP...

The weekend before camp is usually busy with last minute details, collecting camp forms, and running around town buying all the surprises that we give the kids throughout the week!! HOWEVER....this weekend was a little different! Last week I managed to fracture my ankle, and there's not even a fun story behind it. I was simply walking to my car and stepped down from a curb....I think I must have steeped down the wrong way! Now I have a very attractive black boot on my foot and my ankle is the size of my calf!

Can I just say that my parents are my heroes!!! They drove up Friday night and spent Saturday morning helping me get ready for WyldLife's Carolina Creek. Yes, if you have ready any of our past blogs, ,you will know that I went on staff last fall with YounfLife in Carrollton. I took the director position for WyldLife, Younglife for Middle School students. It's been a fun year, and this week I take my group to Carolina Creek for a week of camp. This will be my 4th YL camp, but the first trip that I am leading as the director.

I have an AMAZING group of student leaders that have partnered with me this year and most are going with us this week. I have to admit, I am looking so forward to this camp but for entirely selfish reasons. I need this time with my kids, with the Lord, ,and away from Internet, jobs, phones......I am really looking forward to seeing and feeling the presence of God. I desperately need to hear Him. And if you know anything about Younglife/Wyldlife...He always shows up at camp!!

I still have multiple small items to gather, wash, pack, and prepare. Tomorrow night the leaders are gathering at the Dowdney house to pray over kids, go through the leader training, and hopefully get a few more spots filled before we leave. Lord willing....I would LOVE for that bus to be completely full!!

KD

Back on Track

Take 4????...or something like that. So, we have decided that we are going to give this blogging thing another shot...not that anyone will still be around to read it. :) But in case anyone is -- we are back (for now)!!

So, what's new? What's been going on?!?! Where do we start? Well, we have taken a 17 year old in -- to be 18 in August. His name is Cameron, and he goes to Creekview HS here in Carrollton. He is a football player and is trying to get a scholarship somewhere to play in college (and we mean anywhere). He makes good grades, but just doesn't have the funds to go to college on his own. His only other option is going to be grants. So, we have gone from no kids to having a teenager in the house. To say the least it has been interesting, and has forced Kelli and I to have some interesting conversations that say alot about what kind of parents we will be.

I have made it thru another semester at school, which puts me about halfway thru. I am ready for it to be over so I can focus on one thing again, instead of two.

Kelli has been very busy at work and it has been a struggle for her to get acclimated to this new company and their work hours...it is requiring a lot of her time. Strangely enough...I think she thrives under pressure, but this pressure has been something she's never had to deal with before, but it does seem that she is getting more acclimated to it as time goes by.

And, as for us having babies, which is why we started this thing in the first place -- it appears that we are going to have to adopt, which we have not really pursued as of today. We've been thru all sorts of treatments and decided to take a while off, let Kelli's body heal and get back to "normal" and then maybe we'll look at buying a baby again. Really, if adoption is the only way we can have kids...what's the rush? It's not like adoption has a "biological clock" so we can take a little more time, and see what comes our way in the next few months and/or years if we so choose.

So, that's what we have been up to...the short end of it. If anyone still reads this...shoot us a comment so we know we aren't wasting our time. :) --D

The cycle of Life

The Cylcle of Life..isn't it funny that you are going along life and you think you have everything pretty much under control! You think you have all your deamons tammed and the hurt has all been dealt with! You think that you heart has been healed and that you are a much stronger person that you were 6 months ago! Then out of the blue you are knocked down back in the muck and the mire of...well, of Life! I hate that! Maybe that's why we are told that his world is not our home and that Joy of my salvation is my strength! That i am not to lean on my previous experiences and think that "I" am holding it together! I hope that I don't have to keep learning this lesson.

I know I STINK at blogging. I guess I avoid blogging maybe becuase sometimes it is so exhausting having to write about how wonderful and happy and perfect and beautiful everything is! NOw don't get me wrong, I am so grateful for the blessings that God has graciously given. My cancer is still in remission...after 4 years! I have a great family and the Lord has continued to to bless my career. I love my WyldLife kids and leaders and I have amazing friends that are faithful and constant! It just seems that sometimes you have that one thing that....that one longing in your heart that it seems like you have to keep giving back to HIM becuase you can't leave it with HIM. You think you have to figure a way to resolve it! How can I get this for myself rather than waiting on HIS timing. Then you convince yourslef that you really don't want it anymore so your restlessly find other things to cram pack your life full with so you basically don't have time to address the void! You think if you fill that space then the longing will go away!

I need to be content and I need to try to see why I am still at this place where God keeps telling me to Wait..to be still and know that HE is! Man, why can't I learn this lesson. But how are you suppose to now want to have a little perfect, tiny, beautiful baby? How, as a woman, do you not view yourself as incomplete without a family? i just can't find the answer to that question. kd

Thanksgiving 08!!!

Thanksgiving was SO MUCH FUN!! Heather & Eric with the kids came in Wednessday night and got here at our house just a little bit after my parents did! It was so good to sit around and catch up with everyone.

Thursday morning we all got up and headed over to David's parents new house. It is So much fun having them here in town just up the road! We had a lot of food, I was SO VERY ready for some turkey an dressin!!! yum yum

After lunch, the boys headed to do a little shipping at The Bass Pro Shop and the girls sat outside and played with the kids! It was a beautifil day here in Dallas! Then we spednt the afternoon playing Dominoes and watching the Cowboys!!!

My cousin Valerie brought her two kids, Savanah and Burke up on Friday to play and put up Christmas!! Michaela was excited about having so many new best friends...Savanthia most especially!!

In today's culture, economy, and political turmoil...sometimes I find that I am not very grateful! Having the time and focus and get to point that my heart is truely thankful can, at times, be a struggle for me! More often than not, my weeak flesh is focusing on all the things that I don't have or that has not happened or ...well, you get the point! But on those rare occasions that I look around, I am in awe at the providence of my lord! My family and heritage are so rich and strongly founded in faith! Here a few of this things I am most thankful for; My dad's wisdom, my mothers encouragement and unconditional love... a grandmother that tought me that richness of life is not found in one's checkbook and another grandmother that enriched my life with music, travel, and tought me the meaning of perseverance, grace, mercy, and what forgiveness looks like deeply impacted my character....an aunt that has painted a beautiful picture of "the joy of my salvation is my strenth" and not the circumstances that this life allow while allowing the lord a victorious healing over cancer...and a husband that keeps me steady and grounded...on most days!! :) Most of all...for God's grace and mercy that reigns over my life! For my salvation that is non-negotiable and non-returnable...no matter how many times I get it wrong!!

I hope you all had a blessed Thanksgiving season and found time and reasons to give thanks. KD

Bandera....

In October, we all got together and escapted the business of life. Mom, Dad, KC, us, and all the canines.....Sarge, Sasha, Peyton, Coco, Lucy, & Josie.....all packed up and headed to the Hill Country for a relaxing weekend!!

Friday we went to the Hunter's BBQ & Auctin in Bandera. HOW FUN!! The auction was a HOOT! I'm not sure David knew "those kind" of people actually existed! David won a White Tail Hunt and was excited! Saturday we shoped around Bandera, Utopia, & Boerne! Satruday night we watch Tech beat the hell outa Texas!!! Whoop! Sunday we finished the weekend shopping in Fredrickburg!

Sunset are beautiful in the Hill Country! Saw TONS of people out riding their horses through the countryside! Life is just a LOT slower down there! Makes me wonder if those of us who has such busy lives, if we don't miss out on precious moments! There is something to be said for slowing down and enjoying all the beauty around you. All the blessings that our HUGE God has allowed for our lives to be enriched by. Am I so buys that I am missing and neglecting or failing to be grateful?

Here are some fun pics from our weekend.......

BubbleShare: ">Photo Sharing

WORST BLOGGERS OF THE YEAR!!

"WOW!! I would first like to thank my friends and family for for continuing to love me over the last few months! It's really hard work to earn this award as the "WORST BLOGGERS OF THE YEAR" and I just want to thank the fans for continuing to check our blog knowing that there weren't going to be any updates!! This is for all of you!!"....or something like that!! :)

YES...we stink!! We are sorry!! So the next few blogs I'm going to post pics and updates on what the heck we've been up to for last few months!!! Love you guys!!!

YES WE ARE ALIVE.....

we just aren't very good at blogging these days!! Don't ask me why..maybe it's easier to NOT blog at all than to try to figure out how and what to put into words. So..I'll be brief!!

David is back in school on Wednessdays & Thursdays. This is the first semester that I heard him repeatedly ask "Why am I doing this again?" ....so, I'm praying he'll hang in there and stick it out. I am hoping it's just a tough semester of classes.

I started this Fall as the Director of Carrollton WyldLife...WOW!! Who knew Jr. High students had THAT much energy??? It has been an absolutle blast! I am up to 16 leaders, which is HUGE from what they had last year! AND I LOVE MY LEADERS...they really are amazing and keep me thankful that they are serving beside me!! We are working on getting our numbers up, would love to see averging around 75 -80. We have about 45-60 right now. There are also a few Jr Highs that we don't have a real presence in yet, so I'm working on making connections in these schools this semester!!

We have taken a break from the "baby stuff"..... The family with the pregnant teen decided to handle the situation within their family. They were really nice about it, they just decided that they preferred that David & I not get involved. Funny how God shuts doors as quickly as they were opened. We would LOVE LOVE to adopt, but feel that we would rather stay open to an adoption opportunity from within our community rather than through an adoption agency. Then again, I'm about convinced that I would just rather travel and buy a horse farm and ride 4 wheelers for the rest of my life instead of have a family!!

I have lots of pictures from this summer's camps..you know I went to 3 younglife camps during the course of the summer. Lots of stories.... I need to get them up. I won't wait so long to right next time. PROMISE...love you all, Kel

One of my favorite songs...

Has always been Seek Up by the Dave Matthews Band. Now, before that line in and of itself causes you to not read any further give me a chance to explain. Bear with me as it's been since June 3rd that we've last posted....so I feel I need to make up for lost ground.

Seek Up is a pretty long song, but I really only want to cover the chorus:

You seek up an emotion
and your cup is overflowing.
You seek up an emotion,
sometimes your well is dry
You seek up a big monster
for him to fight your wars for you
But when he finds his way to you,
the devil's not going, "Ha ha, ha ha."

Why do I bring up this song? What is David getting at here? Why is he talking about some lame Dave Matthews Song that no one cares about?

Well, however stupid it may sound, that song has been a friend to me in good times and hard times. So, let me extrapolate (one of them college words).

You seek up an emotion and your cup is overflowing...you seek up an emotion, sometimes your well is dry. I can't even begin to explain how many times over the past week, month, year, or 10 years, I have searched for an emotion and my cup is either overflowing or it's dry. Kelli and I have struggled thru miscarriages, a failed adoption, cancer, job loss and gain, and financial ups and downs, to name a few. Please don't think I don't know that other people have a hard time with things, and if I take a step back and look around me I must say that through it all are many blessings that God has given us that I must be sure not to take for granted. Yet, we have been through many things that most couples have not had to face.


This blog was started as a way for us to tell our story as we traveled down the road of In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF). We have smattered in a few posts of personal pleasure, but the main focus of this has been our stuggle to have our own baby.


Well, thru our journey it has made us want to "seek up a big monster for him to fight your wars for you" (or for us). It has caused us physical and emotional pain that we would not wish on an enemy. Kelli had to take shots in her abdomen for several weeks, along with having her hormones take her on the roller coaster ride of her life. In the end, her body just didn't react to the medicine as we hoped, and the Dr. has told us to look at other options. All of this while we've had about 9 couples tell us they are pregnant.



Now, don't get me wrong here, we are VERY EXCITED to share in the joy of new life for each of these friends and family members who are going to welcome their own baby into this world. However, it can also be bitter sweet. We have wanted to have our own family for the past 6 years of our 7.5 year marriage.


In all of this we have to be weary of the evil one who likes to do all he can to destroy a marriage ordained by God - "But when he finds his way to you, the devil's not going, "Ha ha, ha ha." He is not laughing when he tries to destroy a relationship, friendship, or marriage. He is very intent in his ways, and must be taken seriously.


Sorry for the lack of transition here, but the reason I am giving you some of this information is to lead you to this - we have been approached by a friend of Kelli's family who knows of a young woman that is pregnant and is not prepared for the road ahead that is pregnancy (she's 15). Please join us in PRAYING for guidance to make the right decision here as we've been asked if we could help in this as we feel led. Kelli has been helping teen moms for the past year, and the folks involved in this believe that Kelli and I are meant to be involved in this...in what capacity? We don't know yet, but it isn't for us to know, it's for us to choose to get involved no matter what people think. (reference to the song). :D

We are going to seek up a Monster for Him to fight our wars for us, by kneeling at the throne of God and praying that HIS will be done in all of this, and that this young lady would be forever altered for the better when this baby comes into the world. The devil will be there too, waiting to destroy another family, but our prayer is that those who desire, will pray without ceasing that the Light of the World (Jesus) will shine thru and prevail over the evil one.

So, please pray for this young lady whose name is not necessary...and for the life that is growing inside her. Pray for her family, that they would give her the guidance necessary to help her along this journey. Pray for the friends who will step in to support this girl and her family as they struggle with the choices to be made along the way.

Again, sorry for the long post, and the strange song references, but if you haven't heard the song...look it up on Itunes, and maybe it can make an impact on you as it has on me. Then, while listening to it, please join us in prayer for this situation, that we would all be surrounded by the Holy Spirit and our actions and words be guided by Jesus.

Much love and thanks for reading this far, and forgive my strange tie in to a DMB song....DD

Hi! It's me...again! Well, it's taken me a few days to be able to sit down and write this. I don't know if it was I didn't know how to say it or I was just avoiding putting it in writing...makes it more real that way, I guess! We had a doctor's appointment Friday in order to start our stimulant meds Friday night, and really going into it felt confident that we would be starting! From the previous doctor's appointment just 8 short days before, there were no ovarian cysts and I "looked like I was finally going to get my perfect start" for our INVITRO! David & I were really excited, as we headed into this appointment expecting to schedule our egg retrieval for June 9th.

Well, the appointment did not go as anticipated. In 8 days my body had developed 5 ovarian cysts. I was pulled off all medication and they cycle was again cancelled. Later that afternoon I received a phone call from the doctor in which he explained that in all his years he has never seen someone develop cysts in that short amount of time. He does not understand why I am not reacting to the meds or why I have these reoccurring cysts. He said that we could try one more time for a start, but in the meantime David & I should consider other options.

My heart was very broken and I am extremely disappointed. As I sit here typing and trying to see the screen through the tears that are streaming down my face, I can say that I know the Father has a purpose in this timing! I don't know if He is asking me to deny my fleshly desires in order to devote my life to following Him, or if He is forcing me out of my selfishness, or if I am being punished as a result of my hardheadedness. Well, yes I do know in my head that it is not the later of the three! I try not to focus on the timing He has chosen to build other families, yet not ours. I refuse to listen to the lies that the enemy is whispering in my ears on a minute by minute basis!! And I am desperately seeking His peace that goes beyond our mortal understanding. Because I don't understand, as we now have 3 close friends that have announced their expecting bundles of joy since last Wednesday! And I am really trying not to ask how He choose who to bless with children and who not to! My thoughts are so scattered...as in 10 seconds I can go from blessing His name and completely surrendering my life to Him.....to crying out in pain "Why do you refuse to see my longing for a child? Why has my prayers gone unheard?"......to being so angry that I dare not type the words. Then, occasionally,...there is a breath of peace. For a moment I can feel His arms around me and hear His spirit whisper to me "Do you know how much I love you? If you could only see the blessings that I have in store for you just around the corner! Do you not see the place in which I have planted you and your husband? If you did, you would know that i am not denying you of a child. You would hear me asking "How many children do you want? I will give you one but a multiple children to love and nurture and tell my story to!" I am working on transferring what I know in my head to be truth to live in reality in my heart! That's the hard part, connecting the two!


I know I need to step out of this depression quickly as we have so much on the horizon! We have a A&M student living with us this summer that I really need to love on and encourage! WyldLife camp coming up this month for the 8th graders and in July at Carolina Creek! This Sunday is the start of our Summer Campaigners for Young Lives and then camp in August! I am so excited about each one of these events and want to be emotionally and spiritually vested in each! Please pray that my focus will be clear and my spirit sensitive to the calling!

Thank you for listening to me! I don't know if we will attempt another start!! At this point the only thing that really keeps us wanting to at lest try is the $3700 of meds sitting in my refrigerator that we can't take back! Please pray for us right now. That the pieces will be picked up and put back together.....that David will have patience with me as my grieving process is very different from his! And most importantly that I will find the hope and peace that I so desperately need!

I love you all dearly,

Kelli D

Carrollton Young Life Clay Shoot

A few weekends back Carrollton Young life hosted a Clay Shoot to fundraise money for Summer Camp 2008! We had SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much fun!! We had great numbers...as for the tangible outcome of the day, we had 65 shooters, over 15 sponsors for the day, made about $1000 on the raffle prizes and grossed a total of $6500 for the day!
We still have some money coming in from various donations,, so we
so we are praying that we will be able to send ALL of our Young Lives Moms & babies to camp!!Here are some of our favorite pictures from the event!

Our Area Dir & wife Dave, Paige, & Daddy Paige Shootin' @ the trap
Kyel & Shalen J.


Da boys... ...and the beverage beauties (Committee)...and more Committee
Dave C, David D, & Matt P Shonna, Betsy, & Karen Brian & Jonathan




the food............................the chef....................................Mike & Pat (committee)



YL Leaders w/ our beloved committee


Love you guys!!

Woo Hoo!!!! No cysts....kind of

Well, we had another Dr Appt today, and Kelli did have a cyst, but it's a Tubal Cyst that every woman produces each month, so our nurse thought this would not keep us from moving forward this time!!! Praise Jesus!! Now, we just have to make sure this cyst goes away, as is normal for most women, problem is...Kelli is NOT most women. So, please continue pray for Kelli that this cyst would run it's course and go away by our next Dr Appt - Memorial Day.

Otherwise, we are off to the ranch this evening after work for fun and family!!! We are excited to get back to the ranch as we had such a wonderful time a month ago when we ventured out there. I'll let you know how things went on Monday, when it rolls around.
DD