What a Year It's Been...

Yesterday marked the 1 year anniversary of bringing little man home from the hospital. If you've been reading our blog for any amount of time now, you probably know what our "rooming-in" experience was like at Cook Children's in Ft. Worth. What an amazing night that has led us on this roller coaster ride of raising a little boy with so many challenges laid out before him.

Over the past 12 months I have watched a little boy fight with all his being -- who was supposed to come home from the hospital on breathing machines, apnea monitors, feeding tubes; who may not see/hear/walk/talk/etc. Sometimes I feel like all we focus on is what he is/was not supposed to do instead of thanking Jesus for all the things He can do with those who have the desire to look defeat in the eye and overcome it. This baby boy has no clue that he isn't supposed to be doing these things. It is so much fun to watch him do things that Doctor's say he won't or can't do. He is very much an inspiration to me, as I like to put constraints on myself and then tell myself I can't do it. I'm not sure why I do that, but I just do. Brayden has opened my eyes to realize that without limitations, the human body (and brain) can do wonderful things. That's not to say that Bray J has no speed bumps ahead of him, but it gives me courage to stand beside him and fight with all my being to give him the best life possible. He will always have a "brain injury" as it will never heal (it's basically a "hole" in his brain, which is not fixable). He has a cyst on his spine that will more than likely need surgery as he gets older (a 15 hour surgery, no less). He has shown antibodies for Hep C...but we are hopeful that his body will "clear" (heal) this from his blood and he won't have to worry about all those things that come with Hepatitis C. So, again, these things would tend to put "limitations" on what he can and can't do as he gets older, but having seen him overcome so many things already...anyways, here I go again with all the things he won't be able to do or the challenges he has ahead of him.

Let me tell you what I've learned:

1. I'm not a perfect dad, but I LOVE being a dad.
2. I want to find BJ a "sibling" -- don't care about the sex...just hoping to find/make a healthy baby. :)
3. I have loved watching our parents (the grandparents) handle Brayden. They have showered him with love and affection and I am so proud of them for that. If I'm honest I can say that I was worried about what they would think about this situation when we first mentioned it, but it has been a miracle of God to see them welcome BJ with open arms to our family.
4. I find myself saying, "I can't wait until Brayden can do..." while at the same time wishing I had my little baby back. He has gotten so big, and Kelli and I have caught ourselves talking about how much of a little boy our baby has turned into. To me, this is a weird dichotomy of being excited about the future, while "missing" (longing for) the past.
5. It melts my heart when he smiles at me, hugs me, or laughs at me. I could literally just watch him all day long...he does some of the funniest and cutest things. His laugh is contagious to all who hear it...he scrunches up his nose and mouth when he smiles (we call it his Flirty Face). He always has a rebuttal for when we tell him "no." (that could be interesting as he gets older)

We have such a wonderful little boy, even if I am a bit biased. He does so well around other people, he really doesn't cry all that much (unless he's hungry or sleepy). I can't wait to watch his continued growth and development, and am doing my best to log all our wonderful memories with him so I will always have them to fall back on.

I never want to be the Dad that stays at work longer because I dread coming home to my family. I've encountered a few dad's along the way that would rather not come home due to selfish reasons of wanting to have "me" time. To me that's selfish, and they are missing out on so much love, joy, and happiness. I hope Brayden never stops "lighting up" when I walk in the room, and I hope I never stop yearning to come home to him to play. Of course, I can't neglect the wife, but once BJ goes to bed I try to do what I can to help with the house. I hope Kelli agrees with that statement, but I'm sure there's always something more I could do to help.

Anywho, another long post, but with Christmas right around the corner it has gotten me a little gushy, and I hope to carry that thru the new year.

Thanks for stopping by,
DD

           Me and B at Paradise Canyon for T-giving!

                  We loved this outfit...had to show it off.   :)

Brayden on Nana and Pawpaw's ATV...he loves it!!