No Fear in Love

Bringing little Brayden home has been a journey. The few days when we were home waiting for our room in to be scheduled seems like a haze. I was nervous, excited, and fearful. Just a few days before we have been delivered the news about a growing cyst on our baby's spine. The surgery that would be needed would be long, expensive, and extremely risky. The good news was that at the moment there was no immediate need. The doctors decided to wait, image regularly, and monitor this cyst to determine the appropriate time to operate. We have been praying ever since that this cyst would be a non-issue and never need this yucky operation.


When the doctor asked us to be at the hospital in a few hours on Monday, December 7th, we grabbed our bag, settled the dogs for the night, and headed to Ft. Worth. Neither of us said very much on the ride over. My mind was reeling with questions. Would I be able to care for this fragile little life that for the past 2.5 months has required teams and teams of doctors? I remember that I had asked David a few days before "What if I get him home and we don't bond? What if I don't love him?" I felt fear becoming even more dominated in my thoughts.

The night went surprisingly fast. We had Brayden in the room with us and even though we had divided up feedings...we found that we were both up at every sigh, whimper, feeding, and changing. David proved to be an absolute ROCK those two days. The next morning we had a busy schedule. Exit consultations with our neonatologist, nurses, dieticians, neurologists, surgeons, case workers, insurance reps, and paperwork with the adoption agency. On top of all of this, the birth mom ended up coming up to the hospital and spent most of the day with us, as well. David had a GREAT strategy...he asked me to take care of Brayden and the birth mom and he would take care of all the business with the insurance agency & the agency.


Just before everything kicked into high gear...I needed to talk to my Dad. I just needed to hear his voice. Up to this point, we still hadn't asked anyone's opinion on our decision to adopt this baby. We were very careful to isolate our hearts from earthly opinions to ensure that we were only listening to the heavenly father's voice and direction. But now....I needed to hear my earthly Father's voice. Nothing in this world makes me feel safer than my dad. When he answered I began to cry and he asked me what was on my heart? Looking back, how ironic was his wording. It wasn't "What was wrong" but "What was on my heart?" He knew right away that I had a heart issue. For the first time in this entire process, I asked someone if they thought we were making the right decision. Through tears streaming down my face, I asked my daddy "Are we making the right decision to adopt this baby?" Even though it was my earthly father's voice in the response, I felt the spirit move in me as he answered. “You know, when you & David first told me about this baby I wanted to tell you guys to not go any further in the process. You guys are my kids and I wanted to protect you. Then when the babies were born with so many complications, I picked up the phone so many times to tell you guys that I thought ya'll should wait for a different baby. But again, the Holy Spirit kept my mouth shut. Then when your mother & I came that first time to see Brayden in the hospital, I felt the Holy Spirit wash over me when I was standing by his incubator. I have never felt anything like it. I knew that God had delivered this baby to you & David and that through ya'lls faithfulness to the calling of God our family would experience blessings and miracles. Christ saw past all our special needs and sickness and decided to love us despite all the complications, to love us to the point that he gave His life for us. And in essence, you and David have been called to sacrifice for love as well, to see past all the things the world calls imperfections and love this little baby that God created. We are going to see the power of God like we never have before Kelli. And I can't promise you that it's going to come in complete healing, but I do have confirmation that Brayden was born for our family. And your mother & I are going take every step in this journey with you & David." He continued to tell me that God doesn't quite on us and that the word promises that He will finish the good work He has completed in us.


We got off the phone with my Dad asking me to go read 1 John 4:18. "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear." What an amazing verse my Dad gave me to meditate on. That phone conversation lead me straight to the word of God that I needed to loosen the power of fear that the enemy was using to bind me. There is absolutely no fear in love!! Over the last several weeks I have not worried once about the expense of future surgeries that are not even needed at this point....and there is no doubt that I love him.

Sometimes I think the enemy resigns to the fact that he has lost the eternal battle with us, so he ramps up the battle in other ways to keep us as ineffective in the Kingdome as possible. I believe that God has chosen me & David to raise this baby. Brayden was handpicked before he was even conceived to be our son and that through this, God will be glorified. The enemy does not like our Father to be glorified. Again, fear is something that I have rarely experienced in my life and boy was it powerful. But praise God Almighty, the King of Kings & Lord of Lords that he has defeated the enemy for us and there is freedom in His word.

Our first Christmas with Brayden, we had a little miracle baby of our own. God has miraculously protected and delivered Brayden from death & despair into life. Jesus came to bring us life and we hold in our arms a daily remembrance of that power that is available to all of us. "....So that we may have life and have it more abundantly." May Brayden's life radiate the abundance of life in Jesus. Thank you all who have prayed...please keep praying. We love you very much. ~ Kelli

Some Pictures

All is well...just waiting for our 1st Christmas with Brayden!! We are excited and will get to spend it with both sides of our family

.

For this Child...

1 Samuel 1:27-28

27 "I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. 28 So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD."

It has been 8 years in the making, but our son has come home. 

Last Tuesday we brought Brayden home after having stayed a night at the hospital with him to make sure we could take care of him on our own.  It was a long night, but we made it through and were able to get him home by about 5pm on Tuesday.  Since then we haven't slept much, but you can't wipe the smiles off our faces.  That's not to say it's been all roses and cherries, as the diaper changes with a screaming baby at 2am can raise the blood pressure some, but it is all just part of the job.  :)

We have had several visitors, and our wonderful YoungLife friends have brought us dinner for 4 nights since we've been home.  Mimi and Papa Jack visited yesterday, and my folks (Nana and Pawpaw) have been by twice.  Oh, and I can't forget the life saver that Kaysi was the night we came home as she showed up with PIZZA!!!!  Can't tell you how AWESOME that was!!! 

Nana even came over last night and helped me with Brayden while Kelli had her bus tour for WyldLife -- it's an all night bus ride where they take about 200 middle school kids all over town to do different activities, and it runs from 6pm to 6am.  So, I had my mom come over and help me with Brayden since Kelli would be pretty worn out today.  She took the 11pm - 5am shift -- she's AMAZING -- and I took over at 5am so she could go home to try to sleep a little before the kept the babies at Church!!  Man, that was really great of her to do for us, as I'm not sure how Kel and I would've done without her help. 

Otherwise, we've seen our Pediatrician (Dr. Coco) and the Opthamologist (Dr. Norman) for routine check-ups and all seems to be well.  Our Pedi did tell us we have to be really careful in taking him out in public with it being Cold/Flu season, so we have to be careful where we take him, but we are going to try to get him to see my family and some of Kelli's family for Christmas next week.  We also have about 5 different hand sanitizers around the house so we can squirt some if we need it.  The last thing we need is to take any chances with him getting sick.

So, that's what we've been up to the last week and now I have to get ready to head back to work next week so I can get some training done.  The good thing is I have the last two weeks of the year off, so we'll get to have 1 week to see how Kel and I can manage me back at work, and then I'll get to be home for 2 weeks again. 

Love you all and hope to see/hear from you soon!!

Thanks for stopping by,
DD

Speechless

From the very begining...we have had things happen that have made me and David sit up and look at each other and say "Really? Did that just happen? Did God just do that? Did HE just save us from that catastrophy or send that person, phone call, email, or verse just to me so that I can KNOW and FEEL HIS presence?"  I could write for days and days on all the myserious ways that God's hand has been so incredibly visible to us through this journey. I mean, David truely had is right when he said..."This is the kind of stuff that has turned us into Jesus Freaks!" And it really is....

I don't have a lot of time this morning to post but I just couldn't head back up to the hospital without just a quick update.  Man.....I have been so usettled this week and anxious. I think I always tend to get a little edgey when Brayden has test that are pending. I need to learn to rest and dig in the word......So, Brayden had his very first brain MRI on Wed. When we called to get results yesterday, imagine my alarm when we notified that the results were not yet conclusive and the nurologist has ordered seperate MRI.  When I go the his bedside....he was already gone and down in imaging. So, I sat and started to feel my palms getting a little sweaty.....and my tummy wasn't feeling so good. Then around the corner came Ginger!! Ginger was the very first nurse I had met on my first trip to see Brayden alone. I remembered being very overwhelmed and scared and, at that time, wasn't really getting alot of attention or information from anyone. Ginger was the first person that had reached out to me.....I remembered that she was very calming to me that day. And here she was, rounding the corner to come talk and visit with me again.  We talked and laughed about what tremendous improvements Brayden has already made and how blessed his is.  It was just the conversation I needed to be reminded of all the miracles God has already done. 

Before long, Brayden was wheeled around the corner and back in my arms.  Soon after, the radiologist was at our bedside.  He took time to show me all the pictures and explain everything in detail. On the original MRI...at the very, very bottom was about 1 cm of Brayden's spine.  The radiologist had noticed a small inflamation and then narrowing and decided to order a second MRI on his spine. PRAISE GOD FOR THAT MAN!!  The nurologist and radiologist were able to find a small, fluid filled cyst that was located on Brayden's spine. However, it had not attached itself to the spine and they are extremnely hopeful that they will be able to drain the fluid without any further complications or side affects. Oh, I can't even begin to express......our God is so faithful and mighty. Thank you Lord Jesus for answering our prayers that their eyes would be open.....that they noticed and we were able to avoid serious implications down the road. Oh Lord, thank you for THAT doctor and his attention given to our son! Praise you for you have promised us that you will finish the good work which you have started....and you are not yet finished knitting this precious little boy together.

The nurologist said that he is also extrenmely pleased with Braydent, nurologically. He acts and moves just like a normal 37 week old baby. Considering all the damage that was done to his little brain in-utero, before birth, that this is truely remarkable.  The areas are definitley damaged but he believes that we will be able to manage them and work with Brayden. He does not see any signs of further damage and he said that this MRI in conjuction with Brayden's current functions, should bring us great hope. WHAT A GREAT OPPORTUNITY...that I had to share with Dr. Peters where our hope comes from.  He agreed and said that whatever we are doing....we need to keep doint it becuase there are definitely miracles happening his little Brayden's life. 

I am so grateful and just in a constant state for praise this morning. We are waiting to see when they will schedule the proceedure. So for now, the discharge has been postponed...but PRAISE OUR FATHER that this was identified and will be correct. Please continue to pray for our little angle. The amount of people that we have lifting Braydent the the feet of Jesus....I KNOW that is the "whatever you're doing, keep doing it!"  Please don't stop! If I could grant every single person that has faithfully prayed for our little Braydent...their hearts desire, I would. Becuase you all have granted me mine. I love you all...so very dearly!

Kelli

ps...sorry if there is alot of spelling errors this morning. :)

Waiting Game

Not much changed today with our status. David & I rose early this morning to head to Witchita Falls to complete some requirements from the adoption agency, Inheritance Adoptions. We were there most of the day and headed home around 4 for David to scamper off the class tonight for a final presentation in one his classes. I had a Wyldlife Leadership meeting tonight preparing for our upcoming Bus Tour in a few weekends. Neither of us were able to get to the hospital and it’s just awful on my emotions to think a whole day went by and we didn’t get to hold or love on our baby. But every time we leave, we pray that angles will circle his crib and guard him until we are able to get back and put our arms around him.


When I called this morning to check on Brayden’s morning Monica, our nurse, said he had a great night and is doing great with his feedings. No Room In scheduled from the rounds this morning, so it looks like we probably won’t be checking in tomorrow. That could change with tomorrow mornings rounds but we will keep everyone posted. The doctors have just advised us to view this as waiting for a baby to come…..we are just waiting on him to get ready to come home! We sure are ready!

For me personally, it’s surprising at how I still have days that the unknown gets to me. The unknown of Brayden’s future, my career, when he’s going to come home…how, when, where, why? I am definitely that typical Type A personality, I like to have all the answers and a plan and a plan to execute the plan…and so forth! But the enemy is here to steal, kill, and destroy. Steal my joy that my heavenly Father has given me in my salvation, kill my peace with lies, and destroy the hope that I have in the promises given to me in the word. Today, I did not do a very good job in defeating the enemy in his attempt to drive my emotions with fear. I hate to admit that today I truly struggled with fear and anxiety.


David said that we will have strong days and we will have days like today but that we need to remain open and vulnerable to each other so that we can be there to talk and pray through it together. Today was my weak day and the Lord strengthen David to encourage and pray over me. When things seem to be spinning out of control the Word, my husband, and my parents are my 3 anchors that I can count on. I am thankful for the days when I am weak and lean on Him. Tomorrow….is a new day and who know what might happen tomorrow. Please continue to pray for us and for Brayden. We are waiting for his Brain MRI results.

Much love

Kelli

ETD on Brayden Jackson

Hello Friends & Family,




We apologize for the recent vacancy of emails and blogs. David & I received word this week that Brayden is looking like he just might want to come home as early as Thursday/Friday. In reality, we are looking at checking into the hospital Thursday-Friday and then coming home between Saturday - Sunday. He will have to tolerate full feeds, maintain his temperature, and show steady weight gain before we can begin this process. We think we have finally found the right formula, he has taken all his feeds today without any throwing up. We haven't had weight gain in a few days but since we think we have the right food now, that should help with the weight gain. He will also have to pass a car seat test before they will let us go home. He will have to maintain his breathing and heart rate for 2 hours in a car seat, so we are praying he will pass the first time!



We are anxious and excited....AND TOTALLY UNPREPARED! David thinks and feels like he is trying to get sick with a headcold, too. He hasn't seen baby in a few days trying to stay away and get better. But how fitiing that Brayden is coming home in the midst of this holiday season. As we pause to remember the humble beginings of our Lord & Savior so many years ago. With no nursery or crib....no fancy matching diaper stackers, valanances, or bumbos the King of Kings entered this world in a stable and slept in a manager with hay amongst the livestock. We pray that we will reflect upon the miracle of life and already answered prayers that we only begun to see from our might Father. Thank you all for walking and reading down this journey with us. Now it starts to get exciting!! AND WE CAN"T WAIT!!!!!



much love~



David & Kelli



ps. Brayden has a brain MRI scheduled for tomorrow. David & I will be in Witchita Falls completing some requirements with the Adoption Agency. The neurologist wanted an MRI before Brayden was discharged in order to know what we need to have scheduled before we leave the hospital, i.e. physical therapy, occupational therapy, monthly appointments w/ a neurologist. Please pray for an amazing God-breathed picture of our little angels brain. We claim healing in the power of the blood of Jesus Christ and know that Brayden is wonderfully and fearfully made in God's image! Please lift up the doctors and techs as they conduct and read the MRI.

Angels Among Us

"Keep on loving each other as brothers.  Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained ANGELS without knowing it."  Ephesians 13:1-2 (emphasis added by me)

What does this tell us?  Well, first and foremost it claims the Truth that Angels exist and are among us.  It also reminds us to be very careful how we treat others -- to treat them with LOVE, as brothers.

I bring this up to say that over the past few months, with our joy over Brayden we have been entertained by Angels.  Now, I'm twisting this passage some, so please let me put this disclaimer -- I am going to talk about earthly (figurative) angels -- but this verse speaks directly to there being Heavenly Angels that are among us, and for us to be aware of how we treat others as they could be Angels and we won't know it. 

With that said...

The outpouring of love we've experienced over the past few months is indescribable.  We have received letters, phone calls, visits, and emails covered in love for Brayden, and my family.  THANK YOU so much for letting us know you care for us, and love us.  We are so thankful for our friends and family who are good about reaching out and letting others know they are on their minds/hearts. 

We have received several blessings from folks that know how hard adoption can be - financially, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and thru this process we've been so stressed we can't see straight, but then we'll get a phone call, or a response to one of our posts on here, or an email that really lifts our spirits and let's us know we are fighting the good fight. 

Kelli even had a very (shall we say) "intentional" conversation with one of the Senior Pastors at our Church just 2 days ago on Sunday.  (I would hate to say it was a "random" conversation -- because God isn't random -- He's very intentional) 

Kelli had sent a link to our blog to this Pastor who has since forwarded it over to our Head Pastor.  They have been reading our posts (and will probably read this) and it appears that God may be spearheading an adoption outreach program in our Church.  Kelli mentioned it to me on our way home Sunday and I have been mulling it over since then.  I don't want to get off track from the original sightline of my post, but let's just say it is a very intriguing idea, and one I would have never thought about -- yet can't seem to get it out of my head that maybe God is working on me in regard to this.  We'll see how it shapes up, but it would be a total 180 from our current "career path"  (whatever that really is).  To say that conversation was uplifting would be a tremendous understatement, so again, know that God works in "intentional" ways.

So...back to what I was saying -- The Lord has blessed us with tremendous friends and family and I need to confess a few things.  I am terrible when it comes to getting compliments.  It is something I need to work on, but I get pretty embarrassed when people tell me they're proud of me, or that I'm doing a good job, or whatever the compliment may be.  I sometimes fear that I brush those off too quickly and don't do a good enough job of thanking the people giving the compliment.  It is hard for me to take those compliments, yet I am afraid I can be a little rude when I brush them off, so please let me say that I am so very thankful for those who have come and told me that they are proud of what Kelli and I are doing with Brayden, but know that we feel like it was God who has chosen us to do this.  We are just following His will for our lives, even if it means it will change our lives forever.  We still don't know what kind of challenges lay in store for Brayden, and it breaks our heart to see him struggle thru with all the tubes and IV's in his body.  So far he seems to be progressing, but he has a long road to hoe.  Continue to pray for his complete healing.

I'll end by saying, again, I can't express in words what it means to me to hear some very dear friends and family members tell me they are proud of me...I'll say this -- my father-in-law (Andrew) drew my name at Thanksgiving which meant he had to say why he was thankful for me.  The words he spoke drove straight to my heart, and although as a "man" its hard to show outward emotion, I was immensely touched by the words he spoke.  He is a private man, somewhat like I am, so for him to say the things he said was very meaningful for me.  He may not say much, but when he speaks it tends to be very heartfelt and profound.  I can't say enough how proud I am to have married into the Overton (and McCann) family as so many people have reached out to us, and loved on us.

...shocking -- I know -- another long post!! 

Anyways, we love you all and I am so thankful to have a support group that picks us back up, dusts us off, and gets us back on the road Jesus has chosen for us.  We are the Church -- the hands and feet of Christ, and we are called to uplift each other, and love each other as brothers.

Please let me know how Kelli and I can return the favor when one of you is in need of love.  We are overflowing with it, and have learned some very neat ways to love back.  We seem to be on the receiving end of love for now, but know that very soon we will need to be on the giving end.

Thanks for stopping by,
DD