Struggling..

This week has been extremely tough! Physically I haven't felt very good, not able to sleep and really rest at night, and emotionally....well, it's been the toughest week emotionally I have had since we started! I have so many emotions right now! I have two very significant people in my life, that I love more than words, tell us they are are pregnant within 2 days of each other. And while my spirit really rejoices in their joy, my flesh moarns for what they have and I do not! I want to be able to rejoice with them, but I can't and I feel like I am a horrible person becuase I am in this horrible place!! I know I should die to self, but right now it's really tough to see beyond my own selfish desires!

Thankfully, there was a meeting scheduled at a local coffe house for the Women of Hope group that I have been attending. There were just 3 of us, and it was a great time of encouragement and just loving on each other. I am so thankful for Stephanie and Anna, as they really uplifted my spirits!! Last night I had our ladies Young Life bible study where we are focusing on the Fruits of the Spirit. Last night was PEACE. Although it was really tough to be present becuase I am struggling with accepting God's peace(not that it is not there), in the still of the night the verses and words that had been spoken earlier in the evening, comforted and soothed my soul!

Please pray for me!! David is doing well, and ever trying to figure out what I may need from him at the moment!! I guess you should probablly pray for him, too!! :) My head knows all the verses and truth! God is in control and this WILL be for HIS glorification!! I MUST let go and trust!! But right now I am hurting, and it's not okay, and I don't understand, and I don't like it, and I wish that I could see the end! Hopefully soon, He will restore the fundamental joy of my salvation! Thanks for listening!!

Kel