Thankfulness & Joy

The last week, despite my concern for Brayden being sick this week, I have found myself full of joy and thankful for this journey we have started. Going back to the beginning, I have to say that it was mostly overwhelming fear, disappointment, and confusion. The God has been gracious to wash over my racing mind with peace, and joy, and gratefulness, and excitement! With so many things rushing through my mind on a daily, hourly, second by second basis......listening to all the "concerning" medical terminology and what they say our son will more than likely NOT be able to do.....it was hard for me find truth. I struggled! But I dug in the word and prayed and prayed like I have never in my life prayed before! And I was sitting in my office one morning and I felt it...I felt God's peace wash over me like a warm comfy sweater that you just pulled out of the dryer on a cold morning. I know it was from God.

Since, God has opened my heart and my eyes and allowed me to see His hand. Brayden hasn't even come home from the hospital and already what a tremendous impact he has had on my heart, on David's heart, on our marriage, on our relationship with the Lord....I am amazed and the transformation He is working in David's heart. I have always loved him very much, but His words and actions are such spirit-filled and spirit-lead that I am amazed! Well, not amazed...I am so thankful. I am now thankful for this journey and for how many areas of my life God is using this to change and mold and how many hearts He is calling. I have seen God move and shape the hearts of our parents and friends....provide in financial ways that David & I look at each other and say "Did that really happen?" We have days of laughter and rejoicing and lots and lots of love!

We know that Brayden's story has yet to be written and we hold on to hope and healing in the blood of Jesus Christ, the one true and living God. We praise Him and pray that we will stay focused on His abilities and not the inadequacies of ourselves. I am so thankful that David & I are right where we are and I can't wait to see where He will lead us over the next 18 years!

so grateful...Kel

   Heading to spend the day with Brayden! Our precious, dear friends from OKC

Debbie & Darrel Aebischer are in town and coming to meet Brayden today!!!!

SO EXCITED to see them and for them to see Baby D!

Then meeting David's parents for dinner and some BabiesRus time!

Be Careful Not to Take for Granted...

The wonders of the Lord. 

As of today Brayden's Infection Markers are down to 1.9 -- we need them to be at 0.5 or lower, but I will absolutely take 1.9!!  Thank you Jesus for allowing this to happen.  For now the Dr is keeping him on antibiotics until Nov 2nd - just to be on the safe side.  They are also keeping him on basically a "Gatorade" diet, so no breast milk until they know he can handle it.  However, they've dropped his "flow" of oxygen, which is good because he's breathing more on his own.  His X-Rays looked good this morning also - his stomach still has a little distension, but they just think it's gas (gets that from his daddy)  :)

Otherwise, this is the time we have to really keep our focus on the Lord.  We as humans tend to look at something like this and think -- "oh, well, things are better -- so we don't need your help anymore...Lord" when in all reality this was the work of Jesus, and we need to Praise Him for it.

So, Thank you Jesus for continuing to work thru Brayden and let us all know You are in control of this entire situation.  I pray that you would continue to work a miracle in this little boy's life, and that You alone would get all the glory -- not the Dr.'s, the nurses, the parents, or anyone else who is involved -- only You. 

One thing I have to remain focused on is what happens when Brayden is healed completely?  Do I thank the Lord a few times, and three years down the road take it for granted?  Or, do I remember the immense stress, pain, and heartache this whole sitatuation has caused -- watching a poor helpless little baby struggle to breathe, eat, and go potty -- things you and I take for granted everyday.  If I'm honest with myself I will understand that I won't always feel the presence of the Lord in my day-to-day life, like I do right now.  If I did, then that too would get "commonplace" and I would get complacent with that relationship (take it for granted as well).  So, I think (and this is totally my opinion) that the Lord allows us to get "dry" with our faith so that He can RENEW us every now and again.  When I say "allows" let me clarify -- It is not HIM who does this -- it is US that does it to ourselves.  We let life get in the way of our walk with Him and don't read the Bible like we should, we skip a Church service every now and then, we don't pray over the things we need to.  This happens because our reliance on Him dwindles -- things are going well so we don't feel like we need Him as much.  "Thanks for getting me thru the tough times, Lord, but now that all is well I can handle it on my own." 

In short, my prayer is that I never take it granted, but I know that I probably will -- the strange dichotomy that is being a Christian. 

Thank you Jesus for allowing to work thru all of us so we can continue to uplift each other in a world that is going to hell in a hand basket.

As for Brayden -- keep praying for his brain development and that he continues to grow big and strong. 

DD

I got to take a bunch more pics last night while at the Hospital.  He is getting bigger, yet still so small and fragile. 

Check out his new Camo Bedding!! 

Hey Folks!!  Thanks for stopping by!!!

Boy, waking up can be hard to do!

Just Chillin'

Go Team!

This is a big yawn/stretch

He can get a little camera shy sometimes  :)

The infection

Appears to be going away!  Thank you Jesus

When they found the infection his "markers" were at 1.9 -- normal is 0.5.  The next day they spiked up to 15 and the next test showed 16, so the nurses felt he was levelling off.  Yesterday he was down to 5 which shows the infection is going down.  He won't have another test until tomorrow (30th) at 4am. 

So, THANK YOU for all the prayers, but the little booger isn't out of the woods yet.  Even after we get his infection to go away, he still needs to get that brain developing and get rid of his cysts.  This infection has been a distraction from the cysts, and my prayer is that just maybe that medicine he got for the infection could work a miracle in his brain!

The nurses have become really fond of Brayden, which is AWESOME because they now all know his personality which helps them determine if something is wrong.  They said he is a squirmer and when he had his infection he wasn't squirming at all.  I called this morning and the nurse said he had tried to squirm right off his bed, so that is a good sign.

Please keep praying.

Love you all....DD


Brayden sleeping with his Prayer Bear



He had a pretty rough day last Tuesday and he was knocked out!!

The Lord works in Deliberate Ways!

Some say He's "mysterious," but over the past 6 months I've come to determine He's much more Deliberate in His ways than we give him credit. 

We have 2 PRAISE JESUS' for today -- 1. Brayden's infection markers are coming down.  As of this morning they were up a little from yesterday, but he had another test run, and it's showing the infection to be decreasing this afternoon!!   Thank you Lord.  He isn't out of the woods yet, but the last thing he needs right now is to try to fight an infection...so please keep praying.  2.  We sold the boat!!!  What's Deliberate about that is the fact that Kelli and I hadn't listed it yet. She and I knew we needed to sell it so we wouldn't be burdened with the payments anymore, but hadn't gotten around to listing (or even taking pics of it).  HOWEVER, the Lord picked the exact time for me to mention that we were going to be selling it, as I was talking to my tellers and mentioned we needed to sell our boat and our ATV to get ready for Brayden.  One of them mentioned her husband had been looking at boats for about 6 months, and even picked up the Boat Trader Magazine when he could find one.  So, on Sunday they came by and took a look, and I sold it to them this morning. 

For me to look at that situation and think that Jesus' ways are mysterious or mystifying would be ignorance on my part.  It would be a complete denial of the truth Jesus sets forth that He is Holy and Just, and that He knows the desires of my heart even before I do.  To tag onto this, it also appears we have a buyer for the ATV, but it hasn't been "sold" as of yet.  All of these things are preparing a way for us to be able to bring Brayden home without having to get into debt to do it.  As we've read in a recent Bible Study -- God despises debt.  He loathes it.  In turn, Kelli and I are doing what we can to reduce our debt and pay off where it seems prudent.  Thus, we're selling the boat, selling the ATV, and selling some other items we have in the house that have been identified as "wants" instead of needs.  That way it will help enable Kelli to stay home and only work part-time so she can care for Brayden when the time comes that he is able to come home.

Suggested Reading -- Job 38 and 39 (yes, the whole chapters).  These will give you a rather humbling look at the wonders of God that we tend to take for granted.  A little excerpt I like -- God is speaking to Job with a rather harsh tone and says this... Job 38:1-7 "Then the Lord answered Job out of the storm.  He said: "Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge?  Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me.  Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?  Tell me, if you understand.  Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it? On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone -- while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy?"

The point being made here is, again -- there are no mysteries about the works of Jesus.  He is precisely deliberate in His timing, actions, deeds, and purpose.  Never fall for the world who says His ways are mysterious or that His timing is off.  It's our timing that's off -- not His.  Look back on the last 6 months of your life and really open your heart and mind to the wonders that God is working in you and through you.  Challenge yourself to be open to His guidance and will for you - and NEVER "be careful what you wish for" as that too is a worldly view of unworldly purposes.

In His Grace...DD

My Sweet Boy:

God's provisions

Today David and I planned on a day at home with Cameron and doing some errands around the house. But at 3:30 we got a call from Brayden's doctors. Dr. Lawrence said that Brayden had a tough morning and was pretty sick. Melissa, the NICU nurse that had been taking care of Brayden for the previous 3 days, noticed that he was acting quite different and began to order some tests. They found blood in his stool and he had an enlarged abdomen, followed by fever and multiple incidents where his heart rate fell. She immediately contacted Dr. Lawrence and they worked together to order the necessary blood work and X-Rays.


The X Rays showed enlarged intestines and his blood work alarmed them to possible infection. He ordered a procedure to give some relief and ordered a blood transfusion. We are extremely pleased and feel blessed that God has given Dr. Lawrence charge over Brayden's medical care. He is so involved and patient and informative when speaking with David & I. This afternoon, Dr. Lawrence explained to us that for whatever reason, premies often start having difficulty tolerating food around 30- 34 weeks and can develop what they refer to as N.E.C.K. It is an infection in the intestines that cause such inflammation, it could possibly lead to difficulty breathing and separation of the intestines. In such a case, they would need to remove the separated intestines in surgery and intibate for breathing, possibly needing a slow morphine drip.

PLEASE DEAR GOD, have mercy and healing on Brayden tonight! Dr. Lawrence visited Brayden before we left and said he was looking better and resting good. Dr. L was going to be there all night and into tomorrow morning. He assured us that he would be running XRays and blood work every 6 hours and would call with all results. He also assured me he would not leave the hospital tomorrow without seeing me.

I know this post is probably not as eloquent as our others....my mind feels scattered. A story God has laid on my heart as of late...is Lazarus. When Jesus first learned that Lazarus was ill, he responded " This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it." David & I firmly believe that God's glory is at the core of this story and that Jesus Christ will be glorified through Brayden's life and journey! Knowing this we anchor our feet in His word, move forward with the confidence given to us in Christ Jesus, and boldly walk down this road with praise and thanksgiving. (I am sometimes amazed at the amount of love I feel radiating through my being when I am holding Brayden. How could I have fallen this madly in love with this little creature in such a short time span. Then I am reminded how much more God loves Brayden.) David & I are just stewards of this precious little creation and we will stand fast in God's calling.

Praise and honor to our King, who opened Melissa's heart and eyes to the changes in Brayden's little body. This early detection and start of antibiotics could very well be God's way of allowing Brayden to avoid this complication. We have been praying for Brayden's doctors...for wisdom, and intuition, and a gentle bedside manner, and a vested interest, and commitment to life. This was an answer to prayers. We pray Brayden has a peaceful night and there will be no further infection development in his little body. When Jesus was speaking with Martha about Lazarus he assured her that "I am the resurrection and the life." We pray in the name of Jesus Christ for His blood to cover this infections that is trying to rob life from our son! Please join us in this prayer.





Kelli Dowdney

A different Sunday...

  Today David and I planned on a day at home with Cameron and doing some errands around the house.  But at 3:30 we got a call from Brayden's doctors. Dr. Lawrence said that Brayden had a tough morning and was pretty sick.  Melissa, the NICU nurse that had been taking care of Brayden for the previous 3 days, noticed that he was acting quite different and began to order some tests. They found blood in his stoole and he had an enlarged abdomen, followed by fever and multiple incidents where his heart rate fell.  She immediately contacted Dr. Lawrence and they worked together to order the neccesary blood work and X-Rays.
    The X Rays showed enlarged intestines and his blood work alarmed them to possible infection.  He ordered a proceedure to give some releif and ordered a blood transfusion.  We are extremely pleased and feel blessed that God has given Dr. Lawrence charge over Brayden's medical care. He is so involved and patient and informative when speaking with David & I.  This afternoon, Dr. Lawrence explained to us that for whatever reason, premies often start having difficulty tolerating food around 30- 34 weeks and can develop what they refer to as N.E.C.K.  It is an infection in the intestines that cause such inflamation, it could possibly lead to difficulty breathing and seperation of the intestines. In such a case, they would need to remove the seperated intestines in surgery and intibate for breathing, possibly needing a slow morphine drip. 
 PLEASE DEAR GOD, have mercy and healing on Brayden tonight! Dr. Lawrence visited Brayden before we left and said he was looking better and resting good. Dr. L was going to be there all night and into tomorrow morning. He assured us that he would be running XRays and blood work every 6 hours and would call with all results. He also assured me he would not leave the hospital tomorrow without seeing me.
   I know this post is probablly not as eloquent as our others....my mind feels scattered. A story God has laid on my heart as of late...is Lazarus.  When Jesus first learned that Lazarus was ill, he responded " This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it." David & I firmly believe that God's glory is at the core of this story and that Jesus Christ will be glorified through Brayden's life and journey! Knowing this we anchor our feet in His word,  move forward with the confidence given to us in Christ Jesus, and boldly walk down this road with praise and thanksgiving.  (I am somteimes amazed at the amount of love I feel radiating through my being when I am holding Brayden.  How could I have fallen this madly in love with this little creature in such a short time span. Then I am reminded how much more God loves Brayden.) David & I are just stewards of this precious little creation and we will stand fast in God's calling.
  Praise and honor to our King, who opened Melissa's heart and eyes to the changes in Brayden's little body. This early detection and start of antibiotics could very well be God's way of allowing Brayden to avoid this complication.  We have been praying for Brayden's doctors...for wisdome, and intuition, and a gentle bedside manner, and a vested interst, and committment to life. This was an answer to prayers. We pray Brayden has a peaceful night and there will be no further infection development in his little body. When Jesus was speaking with Martha about Lazarus he assured her that "I am the resurrection and the life." We pray in the name of Jesus Christ for His blood to cover this infections that is trying to rob life from our son! Please join us in this prayer.


Kelli Dowdney
   

What if we had birthed him?

That was the question I had to ask Kelli today, as we found out that the cyst on Brayden's brain is "polycystic" -- meaning there will be more (multiple).  The Doctor said that so far he is doing well with all the things we can expect him to be doing -- eating, sucking, sleeping, going to the bathroom, and growing.  So, those things are looking good.  We just need his brain to develop fully, and the Doctor is telling us he has a big uphill battle to fight here.  It appears that the cysts that develop will kill off those areas of the brain they are attached to, which is just as bad as it sounds.  The problem is that the Dr. really doesn't know what it will mean for his future.  He said that by putting him in a loving home it will help his development to progress further than if he was in a home where no one cared for him.  Yet, that was still a very hard pill to swallow.  You would think that even in this short time we would be getting more and more "used" to hearing bad news, but it still hits very hard. 

Kelli was fighting thru tears as she told me this today, and all I could think about was..."How would we handle this same situation if we had birthed him ourselves?"  If that were the case, then it would be no question of pushing thru this and doing what we need to do to take care of him.  So, many of you reading this may think we're crazy for moving forward, but again, we feel called by Jesus to be in this situation, and we know that He has made Brayden PERFECT in His eyes...so who are we to doubt that Jesus has everything under control, and He will give us the resources necessary to be the stewards over Brayden's life that we are chosen to be.  We must rest in that assurance, or get "cooked in the grease."

However, as I read in the Bible today...(John 19:10-11) "Do you refuse to speak to me?" Pilate said. "Don't you know I have the power either to free you or to crucify you?"  Jesus answered, "You would have no power over me if it were not given to you from above. Therefore the one who handed me over to you (Judas) is guilty of a greater sin."  Why did He lead me to this verse just now?  Because He wants me (and you) to know that He is the one in control, that He has the power...to heal or not to heal.  AND THAT'S EXACTLY HOW IT SHOULD BE!!!  I am the selfish one who wants everything to be "perfect" but the image I have of perfection is completely different than that of God.  He is the Ultimate Artist and will paint our picture just as it should be. 

Does this mean I'm resigned to the fact that I will be raising a child with handicaps???  Definitely NOT!  Because I believe in a God who can HEAL, MEND, and REFRESH.  So, I will continue to pray for His will to be done in my life and the life of my family.  That His glory be shown thru all of this.  That His name be praised for "Everything under the Heavens and the Earth are Yours, O Lord.  And this is your Kingdom"

Wow, it appears that I'm becoming a religious nut, but go through something like this on your own, and you will quickly see that Jesus is the only one who can get you (and me) through this. 

Anyways, now that I've gone on forever...again -- I will end with this:

Please, please, please continue to pray for Brayden, his brain, and that these cysts would be healed.  We must call upon the name of the Lord with fervor.  Pray too that His will would be done here, and that if He chooses not to heal Brayden completely, that he would provide the resources to give Brayden the very best life we can possibly give him.  It will be hard...we could be more "nurses" than we are "parents" but we know that God has put Brayden on this earth so that Kelli and I can raise him up to be a symbol of God's purity.  That's right -- I said purity when the world might look at Brayden and see brokenness or "impurities." 

I love you all and thank you for stopping by...feel free to end with a 15 second prayer for Brayden...that's really all the time it takes. 

DD

  These are pictures from last week

a very proud Mama!!

And these are few from last night...just to add to David's pictures!

sleepin snug as a bug in a rug!

It's such hard work waking up!!What a big yawn!

Daddy being sweet saying "Night Night, little Brayden"

There is healing power in the name of Jesus Christ.

Kelli

I have grown to hate this word

James 5:14-16 says "Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up.  If he has sinned, he will be forgiven.  Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.  The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

As I have said a few times before to most of you in either emails or previous posts -- now is NOT the time to be bashful with prayer.  Brayden has another sonogram on Monday and we got the result yesterday.  It appears that his brain is clear of fluid - blood and water - which is good.  His brain has also "resolved" the situation with the white matter...which from what we understand means that there is no more white matter in his brain -- Praise Jesus!  However, they have now found a cyst on his brain. 

That is the word I wish I never have to hear again -- cyst.  Cysts are what kept Kelli from being able to move forward with our IVF treatments, she had a cyst that ruptured over Memorial Day weekend that landed us in the E.R. This word "cyst" is becoming the root of all evil for me. 

The light at the end of the tunnel here is...what does this really mean?  Well, from speaking to a nurse last night while at the hospital it appears that Brayden isn't the first preemie to have a cyst on his brain, nor will he be the last.  So, she said they aren't necessarily common, but they do happen.  She said that what it could mean is that he is just a little slower in his development...it could go away and there be no problems...or it could get worse which could lead to a whole slew of issues. 

Thus, NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO BE BASHFUL WITH PRAYER!!!  Seriously...what are you waiting for...take 30 seconds and say a prayer for Brayden. 



Ok, thank you very much for doing that.  :)

Otherwise, the little bugger is getting bigger by the minute - putting on weight quickly (like his daddy) which is very good.  Everything else in his tiny little body is growing just as it should, we just need some help with his brain. 

Hopefully these pics come thru, but we were at the hospital last night and were there when the nurses were changing out his mask and cleaning his face, so we got some really good shots of him with his eyes open and NO MASK!!!  

Enjoy!!

The blue tube they have in his face is pure oxygen to help him breathe while his mask is off.  Kelli is shading his eyes so he isn't squinting so bad

Here he is yawning since we woke him up to take his mask off...

This next one is just after he shut his mouth from yawning.   :)

This is probably a little close, as it looks like he has a Ginormous forehead, but the Iphone's camera is only so good. 

This last one is similar to the first one in that Kelli is trying to keep him from squinting so bad.

That's our little man -- Brayden Jackson Dowdney

Answer to Prayer

    You know those old cartoons, kinda like Tom & Jerry, when someone gets an idea and a light bulb appears over their head. I totally experienced that yesterday morning driving home from church.  It really was like a light bulb was turned on and I had a "Well, DUH!!! " Don't you just love those moments.
     David and I had completed our last infertility treatments back in July of last year. We decided that we would "recover" physically, emotionally, and let our marriage breath, if you will, before we moved forward with adoption. We both really wanted to be called into adoption instead of just jumping in with both feet. We wanted the Lord to call us into adoption, instead of that being our solution to get a baby. We wanted to wait upon the Lord and his timing.  So, in January we started to request adoption packets and gather information.  When the informatoin came, those packets sat on the kitchen table for months and months.  I, more so that David, was extremely convicted that we would have a unique situation. My hearts desire was to be called to a certain baby or birth mom...that we would not go through the cattle-herding process of a traditional agency. Not that those are bad by any means!! I just wanted a personal experience...I wanted to know that God had called me and David to love and raise THIS particular child.  I remember telling David once "But how can I possibly choose one Adoption Agency and send in one application? What if I choose agency A and God has my baby at agency B!" That is actually what was going through my mind. Like I was big enough or important enough to interfere with the God of the universe and His plan for our family!
     So we began to pray that God would call us to a specific baby.  We wanted God's glory and providence to be evident and His name to be exhaulted through our journey.  Well....wanted and still want! :)  We wanted it to be "God gave David & Kelli a baby" instead of  "Kelli and David adopted a baby!"  So knowing that this was our prayer, why is it such a suprise that we are in the middle of the story that we are in?  Why has my flesh complained and fought against what I prayed God would do through us? Becuase it's not HOW I wanted to God to "show up?"  ugh....I have so much to learn!
     Essentially, I have asked Jesus if I could be the follower to walk on water. "Let your glory and power be known by calling me to walk on water, that the world will see your amazing power and providence!"  So Jesus shows up, like he normally does when we call out His name. So he show up and asks us to take a chance on a little baby that has been given no chance at all.  He calls us to walk on water by adoption a baby that was born 15 weeks early and tested positive for drugs.  So he calls me. He calls me to get out of the boat and follow him to walk on water. To walk a road that I have never walked and that is scarry and to a place where I don't know where to place my next footing will be.   THIS IS WHAT I PRAYED FOR! Yet, for some reason I have remained in the boat.  I mean, seriously why would you WANT to get out of a perfectly good boat! I know this boat and it's familiar to me and safe...and there is nothing wrong with this boat! Why would I risk getting out of the boat at the possibility that I might sink?
     This morning God really used this story to speak to me.  See, when Peter was in the boat he felt safe becuase he was placing his confidence in the ability of the boat. When he was walking on water, his confidence was relying on the ability of Jesus. Where do we put our hope? It would be so easy for me and David to simply say that this baby is too much trouble..too many unknowns.  We don't have to adopt this sick little baby that seems to have the world against it! Plus, we have a good, easy life now.  This is a good comfortable boat that we are on!!  BUT....when Jesus called us everything changed.  We are called not to lean into our own understanding but to rely on the promise that He will never leave or forsake us.  That there IS healing power simply by touching the hem of His garment and if we will humble ourselves and pray...He will heal our land! That at the moment we are most terrified and scared and in the most vulnerable place we have ever been....miracles will happen.  People will see and know that our God is a living and powerful God that is still in the business of miracles.......that people still walk on water through the power of Jesus Christ.

  So we are stepping out of the boat! This entire strory is excatly what we prayed for.  So I will not be anxious or stressed or upset! I will not let the enemy steal my joy! We are boldy praying for healing.  But that healing might be in Brayden's little body or it might be that God will use Brayden throughout his life to heal a broken and unbelieving generation that has yet to come.  God is sovereign and we rest in his providence. Whatever that road might look like, however ever scary or unknown, he will raise up angels and believers to guide and support us along the way! Regardless, we will praise the name of Jesus.

Our son, Brayden Jackson Dowdney, was born September 19th, 2009 at 2 lbs and 1 ounce. He is currenly at Cook Children's in Ft. Worth and weighs 3 lbs.  Please continue to pray for healing of the White Matter in his little brain! We can't wait for Brayden to come home and meet all his family & friends! He is already a very blessed little boy!              
 Oh my goodness......WE HAVE A SON!! 

Kelli
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Fussy Day..

 Yesterday morning I woke up and slated out my entire day with several important errands on my ToDo List! However...after my quiet time I just felt this heaviness on my heart that I couldn't shake.  I finished up some things around the house and knew I just needed to go see the baby. Baby D is at Cook Childrens in downtown Ft. Worth, which is about an hour from where we live in Carrollton.  I am SO SO glad that I went yesterday.  I got to speak with his NeoNatal specialist and the hospital chaplain.  They have increased his food again, in hopes to get more protein and calories to help him grow.  The first increased dosage was about 45 minutes after I got there.  He didn't do very well and ended up pushing most of the food back out his feeding tube.  Some of the od got in his breathing mask and it was a little scary there for about 3 minutes...which seemed like hours!  His little heart rate fell dramatically and he got really upset. 
  The nurses in the NICU are absolutely amazing!!  In no time at all, they had his mask off and had suctioned all the fluid out of his lungs and nose an mouth and had him breathing again and stable.  He was still pretty upset but we were able to hold him and get him calmed back down!  UGH.....once we had him calmed down and resting I asked his nurse if she could now work on me and my heart rate.  I let him rest until his next feeding and then rocked him for about an hour!
   I talked to his nurse this morning and he is doing ok. They are keeping him at the same feeding but he is still not taking the entire amount. Please pray that he will get use to the increased amount without difficulty and grow.  I am not able to go to the hospital today becuase I have WyldLife this afternoon and needed to get ready for club.  I really don't like not getting to see him everyday! This is definitely new. It's going to be a long 2 1/2 months! Thank you for everyone reading and praying and loving this little angel.  Please keep approaching the throne with boldness as we pray for complete healing. much love!
Kell D

1st Temper Tantrum

I have always heard that when you become a mom you get experience alot of firsts! Yesterday we had our 1st First! I visited Baby D yesterday and had such a sweet, quiet time with him. We rocked and talked and prayed and sange for almost 2 hours. When it came time to put him back in his incubator, we got him all bundled back up and comfortable and I was getting ready to leave and noticed that he was starting to cry..then the cry turned into a super duper red face...then his little arms and legs started to straighten out and the bottum lip was quivering. The NICU nurses came over and helped me get his settled back down. I gave him his pacifyer and he started to suckle and sound like a little pig! We all got tickled becuase they said he had never done that before..not even cried. We figured he was hungry and they started his feeding a little early for him. He settled right down and was ready for a nap!

Ahhhhh...it really hurt my heart to leave, more so than any of the times before. Which is really and answer to prayers in itself. Last week, I had a few anxious days that I was just really flooded with doubt and fear. What if I wouldn't be able to love him? What if when I looked at him or held him..I couldn't make my heart feel like he was ours? Well, God has definitely given me peace over all those fears. Doesn't the enemy love to steal our joy? Well, maybe it was easier when I was starting to get attached. It is such a self preservation defense..to distance ourselves or our hearts from things that could hurt or disappoint. But Jesus calls us into a wild abandonment of love so that the world might see HIM through our actions. I definitely know that He blessed me with a crazy, scary love for this little boy! I just can't wait to get him home and let you all meet him! Keep praying...

Kelli

Boldness for Baby D

This morning I learned that Dr. Lawrence has ordered a 3rd sonogram for Baby D. This sonogram is set for October 19th am. I will be forwarding out an email asking that we get this prayer request in as many hands as possible. We are asking that while the previous sonograms were progressively more concerning, that we would see dramatic improvement with Baby D's white matter in his little brain. PLEASE, we are asking that you tell, email, call, write as many people as you know and ask for prayers that we will see the damaged areas repaired and minimized on this new brain sonogram. We are so thankful for our precious, faithful friends and family....every single prayer is vital to the future of our son.

Kelli

Quick Update

Hey folks...just wanted to shoot you out a quick update. Baby D (we have a name, but Momma hasn't said I can release it yet) has put on a little weight. Let's just hope he doesn't grow to be as big as Daddy! Anywho -- he was born on Sept 19th at 2lbs 2oz, and as of yesterday weighed 2lbs 10oz !!!

So, he's putting on weight which is good. They have started to give him breast milk which will help put some weight on him, and they've also added some vitamins and proteins to his daily diet. Good stuff!!

Keep praying over his BRAIN! Again, now is not the time to hold back.

IF YOU TOOK THE TIME TO READ THIS POST -- THEN TAKE 30 EXTRA SECONDS AND SAY A PRAYER ASKING FOR HEALING OVER THIS LITTLE BABY BOY!!

Acts 3:16 -- By faith in the name of Jesus, this man whom you see and know was made strong. It is Jesus' name and the faith that comes through him that has given this complete healing to him, as you can all see. (a man who was crippled from birth was healed and Peter was speaking to those who were eye witnesses to this healing)

love ya,
DD

A day of hope

On my heart today.....

I am not my own and I have been carried by God all my life.
Everything rides on my hope and faith in you, oh Lord. For you have come that they might have abundant life and have it to the fullest!

We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield
Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in you.
But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you!
Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

"If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land."

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

THE PUMP

While yesterday was uneventful for David....let's just say that I was truly not mentally prepared for the "activities" that soon unfolded with the lactation consultant. In my mind, she was just gathering me information and resources on the possibility of me being able to breast feed. Well, you can imagine my suprise when she asked if I wanted to go review my options with her and 5 minutes later I was "hooked up." WOW..... I would love to give you a break down of our conversation, as it would have most of you rolling in the floor with laughter. I told David that I felt like I had just blindly walked into a Saturday night live skit! I do have to say though, that the lactation consultant was very passionate about her job and EVERYTHING that that entailed!

But the good news is that we are going to try. It's nice that I have a little while to prepare and adjust. I'm going on some natural supplements and will start my "regime with the machine" on Monday. It will all be worth it if I will be able to feed him once he gets home! I do have to admit...it's starting to get very real!

much love

Kelli

Yesterday's Visit

Well, being that I have to work this Saturday (10th) I get a half day during the week, which turned out to be yesterday. Initially my game plan was to head home and get some studying done as I have 2 Case Studies, a Final, and a Group Project all due next week. However, Kelli thought it would be a good idea for us to run up to the Hospital and see Baby D. So, we hopped in the 'Yota (Toyota) and headed to Ft. Worth to see him.

When we got there it we were able to get right in to see him, and let the attending nurse know that we wanted to hold him. So, she proceeded to get him situated as he has a bunch of wires coming off him which make it a little tedious to pull him out of the bed and lay him on our arm. Since the birth mother got to hold him the first time we saw him, and Kelli and my Mom got to hold him the second time -- it was my turn this time! All in all it was very uneventful as he slept pretty much the whole time I held him. He did open his eyes a few times for about a 1 minute span of time, but that was about all the action we got to see from him. The good thing was I got to hold him for about an hour (maybe longer...I didn't note the time)

Kelli was able to get some help/instructions on how she may be able to breast feed. So, we are looking into that and ALL it entails.

Otherwise, the only updates we have for him is that he's gained 5oz of weight. He was born at 2lbs 2oz and now weighs 2lbs 7oz. He's getting bigger!!! Which we are so thankful for...we just need to keep PRAYING over his brain -- that it continues to grow, develop, and HEAL!!!!

We love you all and will keep you up to date the next time we know something -- which should be the end of this month as he will have another brain sonogram.
DD

C'est La Vie

To say that our life is not normal would be the understatement of the century! So, I'm not sure that I'm too surprised to be placed in our newest situation. Don't take that the wrong way as I mean it to be that the old cliche' always seems to apply with me and Kelli --> The Lord Works in Mysterious Ways. I have to say that over the past few weeks and months I have taken a few steps back and tried to look "big picture" at some of the Works the Lord has done in my life (and marriage). As has been mentioned in previous posts...Kelli and I have probably been thru more things than the typical married couple has to go through. Let me qualify that by saying we TOTALLY understand that each marriage has its own struggles and trials, and ours is no different. We've battled thru miscarriages, then infertility treatments, that then led to In-Vitro which all left us "empty." Each of those experiences left scars that only Kelli and I know about, and to that extent even scarred each of us in separate ways from the other. Kelli is also a cancer survivor which has put another "scar" on her flesh...which also looks different than the scar that was left on me. HOWEVER -- James 1:2 tells us to "consider it pure joy, brothers, when faced with trials of many kinds." From there it tells us that character and perseverance is built when we face hard times (my paraphrasing).

All that to say that these trials and tribulations have led us to where we are today -- looking to find our way to Cook's Children's Hospital to visit what may be our son. Our son who is fighting thru a brain injury that could lead to any of a number of what the world calls "handicaps." As I type this the wife and I are even to this minute still trying to figure out what we want to do, how we are going to do it, and if we are CRAZY for even considering it.

Kelli said something the other day when we were at lunch with the birth mother that I really appreciated. She said that we as Christians always say that Jesus won't give us more than we can handle...ever heard (or said) that before?? Well, she expounded on that to say that she thinks sometimes Jesus DOES give us more than we can handle. What?? Why would He do that? Well, for no other reason than to lean on HIM who can carry you through -- makes a little sense doesn't it? Now, who are we to know exactly why Jesus does the things He does...but I hadn't ever really thought it that way. However, looking at many of the things we've been through, I can say that in those times it really forced us to allow Christ to "carry" us through. I can say that the last month -- the Lord has carried me through. Everytime I have struggled, cried, freaked, stressed, gotten angry, or prayed...it has been Jesus' touch that I have felt.

Our pastor recently spent the summer on a 3 month sabbatical (spelling?)...and when he returned he gave us an amazing sermon on some of the things he had experienced with his family. He told a story of taking his teenage daughter to a Christian Camp where they do all sorts of activities that build trust, character, and closeness. It sounded like a wonderful bonding experience for him and his daughter. He told us a story of him and his daughter were sent out on a hike, where they travel up the side of a mountain (I think the camp was in Washington State) and then when they get to the top they have a picnic together and enjoy the scenery. He showed some amazing pics at the top of the mountain where they were looking down on a range of Mtns and you could see all the peak, valleys, clouds, and tree lines. They were amazing -- but that' s not even the good part. He said that after he and his daughter had their picnic, they were enjoying the scenery and conversation...he thought this would be the perfect time...

He had his daughter stand up, and while she was standing there he pulled a Purity Ring out of his pocket and talked to her about the significance of the ring, and he got down on one knee and "proposed" to her that she keep her body pure for her future husband, and that if she accepted that honor, he wanted to place the ring on her finger. Our pastor is a pretty sensitive guy, and as he's describing this scene he gets pretty choked up, which has the whole stinking sanctuary sniffling, crying, or tearing up. It was a pretty powerful speech. He ended with relating his love for his daughter to the love Christ has for us. See, Pete (our pastor) mentioned that before he took this time off, his "feelings" were hardened and he couldn't figure out why. In being a pastor he has to deal with a lot of the ugly side of humanity -- disease, death, discomfort, pain, etc. He said he had felt his heart hardening to some of these things and couldn't understand why. So, this journey he took with his daughter was a great way for him to also relate his love for his daughter to the Love the Father has for us. Again, he starts crying on stage as he tells us about some the time at camp he was able to have with his Heavenly Father in getting reconnected to Him.

I write this massive post to say that at the end of the sermon Pete asked us to come to the front and let go anything that is keeping us from God. In short...Kelli and I went down front to kneel at the altar and I have not cried like that in a long time! I mean -- sobbing, choking, sniveling (if that's a word), looking like an idiot but didn't care -- CRYING! I have not felt the Love of Christ flow over me like that since I was in High School. It was about a week later that we were approached about this adoption.

How can I not take into consideration the Love that Christ has for me, and compare it to Love He has for this baby...no matter his condition. Talking about crying -- I tried to be a "rock" for my wife while we were at the hospital due to her breaking down a few times while we were there. However, I couldn't get to my car fast enough to let loose the tears I had for this little guy who didn't choose to have this happen to him...to let loose the fear and anxiety I have over our involvement...to release the anger I have toward the situation as a whole. I sat in my car for 30 minutes and cried again the kind of cry that can't be stopped. Even when I thought I was done, and left the hospital to head to class, I had to pull over 3 times because I couldn't see the road ahead of me.

I had to get that out that day so I could then be able to move forward and deal with these emotions. Crying is a release, and being a guy, it's a release that I don't take advantage of very often. However, I feel that was the Lord's way of allowing me to release some of the fear, anxiety, anger, and trepidation I have. He needed me to do that so I can let it go, and come to His feet with this little baby and hand him over -- to Jesus who knows exactly what He wants to do with the little guy.

Okay, so now that you've spent an hour reading this thing, I want to wrap it up in saying this -- Kelli and I still don't know what the Lord's Will is in all of this, and we are trying to make sure we are open to whatever His desire is for our involvement in this baby's life. However, I can say that thru this trial it has forced me to draw nearer to the One who will provide the necessary feelings, thoughts, resources, care, and love for all who are involved...not just me, Kelli, and the baby. It has been thru these past few weeks that I am at peace in knowing that we are called to be right where we are at that very instant. Where we will be in an hour, a day, a month, and a year I dont' know, but I do know the One who does...and His will is sufficient for me.

I love you all, and know that NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO BE BASHFUL WITH PRAYER!!!! Please continue to lift this Baby, and me, and Kelli, the Doctor's, and anyone else involved up to the Lord so His will is done in all of this. So that HE will find glory and praise, and not us. We don't want any accolades for doing this...we want HIM to be glorified and praised for the works HE will do in all of this.

Thanks for listening/reading
DD

With Hope

"Oh, that I might have my request, that God would grant what I hope for." Job 6:8

I prayed last night with hope for complete healing. I have been researching over the last two days the informatoin that the doctor gave us. I have learned that the condition which the baby is possibly developing is called Periventricular Leukomalacia, which is damage and softening of the white matter, the inner part of the brain that transmits information between the nerve cells and the spinal cord. All the research and informatoin I have found to date is inconclusive and the affects of PL can range quite substantially. At this point, we are trying to educate ourselves and find out as much as possible what exactly we are facing. With that said, please pray that we don't get so "educated" that we negate the power of prayer and the healing character of our mighty savior.

Turn your ear to me, come quickly to my rescue;
be my rock of refuge, a strong fortress to save me.
Since you are my rock and my fortress,
for the sake of your name lead and guide me.

I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for you saw my affliction
and knew the anguish of my soul.

Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD.

Psalm 31

Be anxious for nothing,but in everything by prayer and supplication,with thanksgiving,let your requests be made known to God;and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding,will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Phillipians 4: 6-7

Call to prayer for healing

David & I were extremely pleased to learn that the Baby D's doctor was eagerly awaiting our arrival and had scheduled a conference room for us to be able to visit. He updated up the background of the medical condition that had occured pre-delivery. The twins had a condition that he call Twin-Twin Transfusion. This condition is where one baby is basically taking all the nutrients and blood instead of them equally sharing. In Twin Twin Transfusion, the initial baby(host) then takes the all the nutrients and tries to pump it to the sibling. So you have a Host twin and a Recipient Twin. Becuase of this condition the babies blood supply to the brain can vary and is not contstant and when you have a dissruption of blood flow to the brain, it is in essence like having small strokes.
Through a series of Brain sonograms, made possible through the soft spot in infants skulls, they have identified two concerning area in the cortex of the brain. This "white matter" prevent communication from the brain to certain areas of the body, mostly affecting motor skills and the brain's ability to process. It is too early for any of the doctor's to be able to tell us what affect this will have later in life. The developmental milestone's that each child goes through (rolling over, sitting up, pulling up, walking, talking, reading, ect) will be very indicitive as to how his brain is affected. As the doctor expressed, the human body is very unpredictable. You can have the same sympton and each person might be affected differently. We might be looking at a slight learning dissability or we could possibly be looking at one of the three types of Cerebral Palsey. He might be severly brain damaged and require complete medical attention or he might just be hyper active. He is still so very young, he was 25 weeks premature, that how his brain develops and heals going forward has yet to be seen.
This was tough news for everyone to wrap their brains around and quite emotional! We spent some time with the baby and visited with the nurses; THEY ARE ANGLES!!! Michelle was pretty disturbed and was pretty needy with her time with the baby. David & I allowed her to have the quiet moments that she needed and then we were able to pray over his little body.
I have to admitt, I left the hospital feeling overwhelmed. Dr. Lawrence was pretty frank when he described the amount of care and attention this little baby might be needing; Occupational Thereapist, Speech Therapist; Social Workers; In-home Nurses; Nutritionists,....and the list goes on. Of course, this is WORSE CASE and we know that our God is in the business of healing. But for the rest of the afternoon, I have to say, that my conversations with God sounded more like my laundry list of how I am inadequate to mother this baby! I felt like Jonah or Moses trying to convice God that he has the wrong guy! Isn't that just like our flesh...how quickly I forget and revert back to trying to put our God in this little box and say "Oh, this is just too big for you to handle."
This morning I went back to the very first verse that David texted me with the tagline ..."I think we have our answer to this baby." Hebrews 12:12 "Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. Make level paths for your feet, so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed."

I will not be anxious. I will pray for healing and present our requests boldly to the throne of God. I will give thanks for my salvation,this little life, this journey, my husband, God's providence. I will rest in the peace that God has given us even though we don't understand what tomorrow may look like, so that our hearts and minds may be gaurded.

Meeting Michele

Yesterday David & I headed into the day with excitement and anticipation as we had been told the evening before that we would be able to meet the birth mother and the baby. As I drove through the rain to Ft. Worth I prayed for my attitude towards Michelle, the birth mom. I had found, that in recent days, I was angry and frustrated at her. How do you take the blessing of life and be so self centered that you ruin it? Did she not know the affect she was having on her unborn babies? And then the big question I had been asking God all week....How did God allow Michelle to get pregnant knowing her lifestyle and has allowed my womb to stay closed? My answer was not exactly what I was expecting. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. Isaiah 55:7-9 There were several stories that was laid on my hear the night before our meeting;the women at the well & the women with the alabaster jar are just a few. In Micah it is states that God "will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea." I prayed that my words and actions would reflect Jesus and his love for us.
In listening to her story and throughout our conversation over lunch, I was amazed at how my thoughts and attitude changed. Our hearts overflowed with compassion for Michelle and for these babies! Our conversation was very natural and was truly an answer to prayers! Thank you all so very much for praying! When we were all finished eating, Michelle concluded that she felt we were the right parents for her little boy. She asked us about names and said she liked the ones we were considering. She had been calling him Gabriel and is how the doctor's know him. Michelle shared that she is facing some jail time and could possibly be part of God's road to sobriety for her. It was a good visit and all parties were ready to head to the hospital and check on the baby boy!!