1st Temper Tantrum

I have always heard that when you become a mom you get experience alot of firsts! Yesterday we had our 1st First! I visited Baby D yesterday and had such a sweet, quiet time with him. We rocked and talked and prayed and sange for almost 2 hours. When it came time to put him back in his incubator, we got him all bundled back up and comfortable and I was getting ready to leave and noticed that he was starting to cry..then the cry turned into a super duper red face...then his little arms and legs started to straighten out and the bottum lip was quivering. The NICU nurses came over and helped me get his settled back down. I gave him his pacifyer and he started to suckle and sound like a little pig! We all got tickled becuase they said he had never done that before..not even cried. We figured he was hungry and they started his feeding a little early for him. He settled right down and was ready for a nap!

Ahhhhh...it really hurt my heart to leave, more so than any of the times before. Which is really and answer to prayers in itself. Last week, I had a few anxious days that I was just really flooded with doubt and fear. What if I wouldn't be able to love him? What if when I looked at him or held him..I couldn't make my heart feel like he was ours? Well, God has definitely given me peace over all those fears. Doesn't the enemy love to steal our joy? Well, maybe it was easier when I was starting to get attached. It is such a self preservation defense..to distance ourselves or our hearts from things that could hurt or disappoint. But Jesus calls us into a wild abandonment of love so that the world might see HIM through our actions. I definitely know that He blessed me with a crazy, scary love for this little boy! I just can't wait to get him home and let you all meet him! Keep praying...

Kelli