What if we had birthed him?

That was the question I had to ask Kelli today, as we found out that the cyst on Brayden's brain is "polycystic" -- meaning there will be more (multiple).  The Doctor said that so far he is doing well with all the things we can expect him to be doing -- eating, sucking, sleeping, going to the bathroom, and growing.  So, those things are looking good.  We just need his brain to develop fully, and the Doctor is telling us he has a big uphill battle to fight here.  It appears that the cysts that develop will kill off those areas of the brain they are attached to, which is just as bad as it sounds.  The problem is that the Dr. really doesn't know what it will mean for his future.  He said that by putting him in a loving home it will help his development to progress further than if he was in a home where no one cared for him.  Yet, that was still a very hard pill to swallow.  You would think that even in this short time we would be getting more and more "used" to hearing bad news, but it still hits very hard. 

Kelli was fighting thru tears as she told me this today, and all I could think about was..."How would we handle this same situation if we had birthed him ourselves?"  If that were the case, then it would be no question of pushing thru this and doing what we need to do to take care of him.  So, many of you reading this may think we're crazy for moving forward, but again, we feel called by Jesus to be in this situation, and we know that He has made Brayden PERFECT in His eyes...so who are we to doubt that Jesus has everything under control, and He will give us the resources necessary to be the stewards over Brayden's life that we are chosen to be.  We must rest in that assurance, or get "cooked in the grease."

However, as I read in the Bible today...(John 19:10-11) "Do you refuse to speak to me?" Pilate said. "Don't you know I have the power either to free you or to crucify you?"  Jesus answered, "You would have no power over me if it were not given to you from above. Therefore the one who handed me over to you (Judas) is guilty of a greater sin."  Why did He lead me to this verse just now?  Because He wants me (and you) to know that He is the one in control, that He has the power...to heal or not to heal.  AND THAT'S EXACTLY HOW IT SHOULD BE!!!  I am the selfish one who wants everything to be "perfect" but the image I have of perfection is completely different than that of God.  He is the Ultimate Artist and will paint our picture just as it should be. 

Does this mean I'm resigned to the fact that I will be raising a child with handicaps???  Definitely NOT!  Because I believe in a God who can HEAL, MEND, and REFRESH.  So, I will continue to pray for His will to be done in my life and the life of my family.  That His glory be shown thru all of this.  That His name be praised for "Everything under the Heavens and the Earth are Yours, O Lord.  And this is your Kingdom"

Wow, it appears that I'm becoming a religious nut, but go through something like this on your own, and you will quickly see that Jesus is the only one who can get you (and me) through this. 

Anyways, now that I've gone on forever...again -- I will end with this:

Please, please, please continue to pray for Brayden, his brain, and that these cysts would be healed.  We must call upon the name of the Lord with fervor.  Pray too that His will would be done here, and that if He chooses not to heal Brayden completely, that he would provide the resources to give Brayden the very best life we can possibly give him.  It will be hard...we could be more "nurses" than we are "parents" but we know that God has put Brayden on this earth so that Kelli and I can raise him up to be a symbol of God's purity.  That's right -- I said purity when the world might look at Brayden and see brokenness or "impurities." 

I love you all and thank you for stopping by...feel free to end with a 15 second prayer for Brayden...that's really all the time it takes. 

DD